Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Tuesday

(Harambe has fallen, and he can't get up.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady prepared shrimp fried rice for dinner. The meal was very good. I ate every last morsel in my bowl. I washed the vittles down with several large glasses of Cass. Cass is my favorite brand of Korean beer. It's both smooth and delicious.

I watched Game of Thrones. The silver-haired queen now has an army of barbarians at her side. They worship the ground on which she walks. These smelly pagans are also fascinated by her dragons. Meanwhile, the young Stark girl has decided that she doesn't want to be faceless anymore. She sneaks off into the darkness with her identity in tact. Game of Thrones is one of my favorite programs. It keeps me entertained for hours on end.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty nihilist. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings. For instance, I have a nice television and a warm place rest my weary bones. True. My apartment is an absolute dank pit. But things could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Gary, Indiana. Have you seen that shithole?

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had another strange dream about defecating in the middle of Burger King. To make matters worse, the restaurant was full. I'm shameless when I sleep.

I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A woman vacationing in Australia was devoured by a crocodile while swimming with her friend. She was dragged away and eaten in the dark. Not a single piece of hair or bone has been recovered. A rude government official called the lady a fool. He has no respect for the dead and needs to learn some manners.

I turned on CNN. Angry people from around the globe are equating Harambe's death with murder. They want to see the child's mother thrown into prison for neglecting her duties as a parent. What a bunch of utter crap. First of all, it's impossible to murder an animal. One can only murder another human. Secondly, kids do stupid stuff all the time, especially boys. These things happen now and again. And if we have to kill every gorilla on the planet to save one human child, then I say good for us.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Monday, May 30, 2016

Monday

(Harambe gets greased.)

Yesterday, I took the Dragon Lady to a restaurant for dinner. We ate fifteen dollars worth of fried chicken. The food was wonderful. I'm a huge fan of poultry. I washed the vittles down with a pitcher of Hite. Hite is a famous brand of Korean beer. It's a favorite amongst the locals. A good time was had by all.

I didn't watch television. Instead, I talked with my wife about opening our own business. She's very gung-ho about the idea. However, I have a bad case of cold feet. I don't like taking risks. In fact, I no longer enjoy excitement. It only serves to raise my blood pressure. Sleep and boredom are my favorite hobbies.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I thanked The Savior for my many blessings. My children seem happy enough, and my wife's no longer a screaming loon. Plus I can afford to eat meat from time to time. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Detroit.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I dreamt that I was back in high school. There was a mass shooting and many of my classmates were killed. I went to give a police report and found one of my pastors French kissing a hot Asian cutie. He told me that he didn't want to be my friend. I was very disappointed.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Many Koreans are cyber-bullies. They use the internet to badmouth foreigners, cripples, and homosexuals. The government is now studying the situation.

I turned on CNN. A little four-year-old boy slipped into the gorilla cage at the Cincinnati Zoo. The cage belonged to an animal named Harambe. Everybody loved the poor beast because he never threw his shit at the spectators. Unfortunately, the powers-that-be put a bullet in Harambe's brain in order to rescue the child. I'm in full agreement with the decision to grease the gorilla. People come first.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.  

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Wednesday

(All the demons love Miss Ives.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady prepared beef and rice for dinner. I'm not a huge fan of rice. But I didn't complain. I just smiled and ate my vittles like the village idiot. I'm wonderful that way. I washed the food down with several large glasses of Cass beer. Cass is my favorite brand of suds in Korea.

I watched the latest episode of Penny Dreadful. Miss Ives is in the mental home. Her orderly is none other than Frankenstein's monster. He's very kind in his human form, a true gentlemen. Later, Lucifer shows up and tries to seduce her. After that, Dracula stops by for a visit. I'm normally a huge fan of Penny Dreadful. But this episode is a dud.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I thanked The Savior for my many blessings. My wife's still on her pills, and my children seem happy. Plus living in Korea isn't a bad deal. The country's very safe, and the schools are good. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Haiti.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Young people no longer want to support their aging parents. They believe that it's the government's job to provide for the elderly. When I first arrived in Korea back in the day, the oldsters always lived with their eldest son. I'm sorry to see that tradition go. It seemed like a good deal.

I turned on CNN. Wolf Blitzer thinks that Donald Trump is a naughty boy for bringing up Hillary's sordid past. Wolf scolded a Trump campaign official for The Donald's dirty tactics. Here's the truth. Mrs. Clinton is an absolute pig. And there is no way in hell that she belongs in the White House. She's a disgrace. Therefore, both Bernie and Donald should do their combined best to take her down. Her political destruction is their sacred political duty.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Tuesday

(Hodor gets greased.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady prepared spicy chicken and rice for dinner. To be honest, the meal wasn't one of her best efforts. But I didn't complain. I just smiled and ate my food like a good little dullard. I'm wonderful that way. I washed the vittles down with several large glasses of Cass. Cass is by far my favorite Korean beer.

I watched Game of Thrones. Theon and his sister are usurped by their uncle. They're forced to run for their lives, stealing the best ships and slipping away undetected. Meanwhile, the gentle giant Hodor gets killed by a gang of unruly white-walkers. Did you know that Hodor means hold the door? I didn't, either. Game of Thrones never fails to keep me entertained.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy nihilist. I thanked The Savior for my many blessings. The Dragon Lady's still taking her meds. She's a completely different person when her hormones aren't out of whack. Anyway, I just pray that the pills keep working.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had a dream about my wife. I told her that I was far too old to find another woman. After that, we went to see a movie in Connecticut. We sat in the balcony.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A pastor in China was recently murdered near the North Korean border. He was stabbed several times in the neck with a knife. He helped many defectors escape to freedom during his lifetime.

I turned on CNN. Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are running neck and neck in the polls. Hillary's in for a world of hurt. First of all, the convention in Philadelphia is going to be a scene of huge unrest. It may even get violent. On top of that, The Donald will use her like toilet paper to wipe his ass. No topic shall be off limits. We'll get to see all her skeletons.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Monday, May 23, 2016

Monday

(Hillary is a greedy leftist who hates guns.)

On Saturday, I took the Dragon Lady and my youngest son to Pusan. We rode on the fast train. Its rate of speed is nearly 300 kilometers per hour. We attended a baseball game between the Doosan Bears and the Lotte Giants. The bears won. I can't remember the score. I was skunked on beer.

We caught another train back to our apartment on Sunday and ate at a restaurant for dinner. We ordered thirty dollars worth of fried chicken. The bird tasted great. I washed the poultry down with a pitcher of Hite. Cass is my favorite brand. Unfortunately, it's no longer available at my favorite eatery. The owner got offered a better deal by a competing alcohol company. That's OK. The man's got to make a living.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty atheist. I asked The Savior to protect my crazy wife. Loons often balk at taking their medicine. I just hope she keeps swallowing those pills. Chemistry certainly has a way of making life a whole lot more peaceful.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I dreamt about my Korean sister-in-law. I went to her house and pissed on her favorite stuffed toy. She kicked me out, telling me to never come back.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Korea recently passed a law forbidding corporal punishment in public schools. However, many teachers still spank the children. I personally believe that people should keep their hands to themselves. Hitting children only makes them mean and dishonest. Besides, emotional torture is much more effective. I'm the king of guilt, and I use psychology to keep my boys in line.

I turned on CNN. Donald Trump accused Hillary Clinton of hating the 2nd amendment. And he's absolutely right. She'd love nothing better than to take away all of our guns. She pulled this shit in Washington D.C. It used to be illegal for citizens in our nation's capital to own firearms. Thankfully, the Supreme Court overturned the law. Hillary's a greedy leftist who despises everything that America stands for.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Friday, May 20, 2016

Friday

(Cass is my favorite brand of Korean beer.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady brought home pizza for dinner. The pies came in two large cardboard boxes. The meal tasted great. I'm a huge fan of junk food. However, I don't like cheese, so I only ate the sauce and pepperoni. I washed the vittles down with several large glasses of Cass. Cass is my favorite brand of Korean beer.

I watched the Samsung Lions. They lost by the score of 9-6 to the lowly Hanwha Eagles. The Lions starting pitcher was a white man named Allen Webster. He gave up five runs in the third inning. Oh well. He's a young kid who's chasing his dream. May the force be with him. I like baseball. The sport calms my nerves. I've always been a fidgety bastard.

(Allen Webster stunk the place up.)

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy pagan. I thanked The Savior for my many blessings. The Dragon Lady's still on her medication. Those pills are real life savers. She's as mellow as I've ever seen her. She even drinks beer from time to time.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A loon in Seoul murdered a 23-year-old girl with a knife. He was tired of being rejected by females and decided to lash out against his enemies. This tortured soul is afflicted with schizophrenia. To make matters worse, he hasn't been taking his meds. Nevertheless, he should be marched in chains to the town square and promptly beheaded. The world would be a better place without him.

I turned on CNN. An Egyptian plane was blown out of the sky over the Mediterranean Sea. Most experts believe that militant Islam is to blame. Muslims are some real knuckle-dragging neanderthals. The Donald is absolutely correct. We need to keep these goons out of America. Mark my words. They will prove the death of us all.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Thursday

(The supporters of Bernie Sanders are violent communists.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady prepared pork and rice for dinner. I'm not a huge fan of rice. But I didn't complain. I just ate my meal with a song in my heart and a smile on my face. I'm wonderful that way. The glass is always half full at my humble abode. I washed the vittles down with several cups of Cass. Cass is my favorite brand of Korean beer.

I watched another episode of Penny Dreadful. Frankenstein's monster is back in London. He's now in a desperate search for his family. Meanwhile, Ethan the werewolf and his witchy girlfriend are wreaking havoc in rural Arizona. Penny Dreadful is a genuinely creepy show. It's filled with blood and gore, and might even give you nightmares.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I asked The Savior to look after the Dragon Lady. When she's on her pills, the woman is a domestic queen. But, if she decides to miss a dose or two, she turns into a howling demon. The ups and downs are killing me.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had another dream about smoking. I got caught puffing on a cig at the airport. I was chased through the parking lot by security. I still miss tobacco. I fear that this monkey will be on my back until I die.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Donald Trump says he has no problem speaking to Kim Jong-un in the future. This offends many older conservative Koreans. They stand firm against any contact with their surly northern neighbors. However, I agree with The Donald. Maybe there's a deal to be made. Stranger things have happened.

I turned on CNN. It's official. The supporters of Bernie Sanders are crazy violent communists. They recently scared the shit out of Barbara Boxer during a campaign event in Nevada. The state police had to be called to bring the hoodlums under control. I expect huge problems to erupt in Philadelphia when the convention hits town. Mark my words. Things will not be pretty.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Tuesday

(Fergus Crowley for president.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served chicken for dinner. She bought the meal at Emart. It came in a cardboard bucket. My boys and I devoured the bird in less than fifteen minutes. I washed the vittles down with several glasses of Cass beer. Cass is my favorite brand of suds in Korea.

I watched an episode of Supernatural. Fergus is being treated like a dog by Satan. He is even forced to keep the floors clean by using his tongue. Meanwhile, Sam and Dean are on the trail of a murderer who is killing professional wrestlers. Supernatural is one of the dumbest shows on television. Nevertheless, I'm an avid fan. The program always makes me laugh.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy atheist. I asked The Savior to restore my wife's health. Things have been going pretty good so far. Her eyes are still bugged-out and her hands continue to tremble, but her moods are much more tranquil. I hope the good times continue.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had a dream that my chicken house went down the tubes. No customers appeared at the shop. I don't even own a chicken business. I'm just a helpless slave to anxiety.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A popular model was recently killed in Seoul. She died in a traffic accident. Driving on the peninsula is absolute chaos. If I were the king of Korea, I'd take away all the cars and make the citizens ride horses to work.

I turned on CNN. The New York Times wrote a hit-piece about Donald Trump. The story claims that The Donald often objectifies women both at work and during his personal time. He even had the audacity to kiss a Miss Universe contestant on the lips. There's no doubt in my mind that Trump likes the ladies. But I just can't bring myself to vote for an ultra-feminist lesbian who is married to a rapist. Big Don's the lesser of two evils.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Monday, May 16, 2016

Monday

(Keep the perverts out of the women's room.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady cooked chicken fried rice for dinner. She also made a special brand of Daegu-style mandoo. The dumplings were essentially flat and filled with bits of seaweed and noodles. Believe it or not, the meal was very good. I washed the vittles down with several large glasses of Cass. Cass is my favorite brand of Korean beer.

I didn't watch much television. I talked to the Dragon Lady, instead. My wife wants to open a chicken restaurant which will serve beer and soju to the locals. We would also have to deliver the poultry to our potential customers on a motor-scooter. I don't like the idea. There's just too much competition. However, she believes that we'll make a lot of money because I'm white. I want to call our eatery Hitler Chicken. The name will serve to stir up some buzz. I'll keep you updated.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty nihilist. I thanked The Savior for my many blessings. Not too many people in the world get to own a restaurant named Hitler Chicken. This fact alone makes me feel quite special. On top of that, my children are happy and healthy. I'm just thankful that I wasn't born in Chad.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had a dream that I got caught by Andy Griffith for driving while drunk. Don Knotts was there, too. They put me in jail for several weeks but allowed me to smoke and watch television. I had a great time.

I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Three Russians were killed during a brawl in a Moscow cemetery. The men beat each other bloody with metal pipes and wooden bats. Nobody has any idea what they were fighting about. My guess is soccer. Europeans are batshit crazy when it comes to that sport.

I turned on CNN. Obama wants transgender people to use the bathroom of their choice. I'm against this policy. Don't get me wrong. Nobody loves the homos more than me. But the fags, lady-boys, and lezbos are now taking their agenda way too far. This new demand goes well past the boundries of common sense. Americans have accepted the fact that Sodomites walk among us. Must we also be forced to celebrate their deviant life-styles?

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Thursday

(I love Donald's hair.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady made chicken fried rice for dinner. I live in Asia, so rice is very popular. The meal was fantastic. I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola. For the most part, I'm back on the wagon. I still drink a little beer from time to time, but I haven't had any soju for a couple of weeks.

I couldn't watch much television. My youngest son Bluce had an emotional meltdown. He came home from school with a ton of homework. He had pages and pages of math and English and Korean, etc. On top of all that, he also had a project to work on. My child is only eight-years-old. But this is Korea. These people take school seriously. I told the boy not to worry. I even offered to do the work myself. His tirade lasted for about an hour. After that, he settled down.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings. Today, I get the results of my wife's hormone tests. Her doctor speaks English. I'm expecting good news. You can really tell the difference when loons decide to take their medication. She's very calm these days.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A Manchester United bus was attacked by supporters of West Ham. I don't understand how people can get so rabid over a stupid sport like soccer. It's a game which caters to women and homosexual men. Yet the sport is truly global. People love it. Go figure.

I turned on CNN. Donald Trump is meeting with Paul Ryan tomorrow in order to iron-out their differences. I hope The Donald makes Mr. Ryan jump through a million hoops. Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton lost another primary to Bernie Sanders--who is nothing more than an elderly communist. I like Trump's chances in November.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Wednesday

(Creepy Ted wants back in.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady made pork and French fries for dinner. The meal was fantastic. My wife shines at all things domestic. She's the Asian Martha Stewart. My sons and I ate every last morsel on our plates. We washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola. I'm a broke dead dick, so I can't afford the good stuff.

I watched Game of Thrones. Jon Snow punishes his killers. The four criminals are hanged as the men of the Knights Watch look on. The scene is very gruesome. They dance like helpless ballerinas at the end of their ropes. Meanwhile, Circe still thirsts for revenge against the old priest who humiliated her in public. I can't wait to see how that turns out.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy atheist. I thanked The Savior for His generosity. I wasn't blessed with looks, riches, athletic ability, or intelligence. In fact, there are dolphins swimming in the ocean who are smarter than me. Nevertheless, things could always be worse. At least I can afford to eat meat. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Liberia.

I went to be at 9 p.m. I dreamed about being a member of a high school marching band. I played the French Horn. However, I lost the instrument while walking to a football game. I felt an intense sense of panic.

I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Korean men no longer smoke as much as they used to. Why? The price of tobacco has gone through the roof. I used to love cigarettes. But I haven't had a Joe in many years. I miss my old friends. They were delicious--especially with coffee.

I turned on CNN. Donald Trump says that Hillary Clinton is bad for women. I agree. She's married to a rapist. How much worse could it actually get? In other news, Ted Cruz might return to the race. Talk about pathetic. When will he realize that nobody wants him? He's far too creepy.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Tuesday

(The religion of peace strikes again.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady went to Emart. She bought fried chicken for dinner. The meal came in a cardboard bucket. My eldest son and I consumed the bird in less than fifteen minutes. We're a couple of pigs. I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola. I'm a broke dead dick, so I can't afford the good stuff.

I watched several episodes of Alone. It's a reality survival show which appears on the History Channel. Several contestants are dropped off by boat into the wilds of Vancouver Island. The last one standing wins $500,000. My favorite contestant is an obese woman from South Carolina. She weighs 270 pounds and can barely move her fat ass from one spot to the other. I'm also overweight. We're kindred spirits.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty misanthrope. I asked The Savior for the gift of health. My wife's seeing her doctor today to get her hormone levels checked. The Dragon Lady has been quite calm the last two weeks. It appears that her medicine is finally working. But I don't want to speak too soon. The last two years have been hell, and I just can't handle another disappointement. Graves' Disease truly sucks ass.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had a dream about going to the hospital. I was diagnosed with strep-throat. I began crying.

I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. The North Koreans scolded a reporter from the BBC. They yelled at him for nearly eight hours because he was disrespectful to the supreme leader. After that, the powers-that-be kicked him out of the country.

I turned on CNN. A fifteen-year-old girl from Pakistan was burned alive in an honor killing. Twelve people were arrested for the crime--including the victim's mother. Islam is a religion filled with knuckle-draggers. Trust me. These loons will prove the death of us all.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Monday, May 9, 2016

Monday

(Sarah Palin is making a lot of sense.)

Yesterday, I took my family to church. A guest speaker led the worship service. He talked about false teachers. He said that lots of pastors don't actually read the bible. Therefore, many church leaders are talking out of their asses.

I agree with him 100 percent. Liberal preachers are the biggest offenders. They often spew forth a false gospel. Don't be fooled. Jesus isn't a big fan of Islam or sodomy--no matter what the idiots of the world try to sell you. Stick to your guns.

I took my family to lunch. We went to a sushi buffet. I enjoyed lots and lots of cho-bop. Cho-bop is raw fish laid on top of sticky rice. I dipped my vittles in wasabi. The sauce set my mouth on fire. I washed the food down with several glasses of geniune Coca-Cola. A good time was had by all.

I watched several episodes of The Ultimate Fighter. Team Joanna is getting its ass kicked. J.J. became the latest victim. She was choked out by a tough fighter named Tatiana. Tatiana used to be the best female wrestler in the world. However, she contracted thyroid cancer several years ago. Now she's on the comeback trail. Good for her. It's very important to fight through hard times.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings. My life certainly isn't perfect. But at least I can afford to occasionally eat beef. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Uganda.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. However, I no longer sleep in an actual bed. The Dragon Lady perfers to snooze on the floor.  I didn't dream. I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A man from Seoul named Cho stabbed his roommate to death. Later, he cut the corpse into two peices. He dumped the severed body in seperate locations. Cho is a naughty boy. Hopefully, somebody will throw him off a cliff.

I turned on CNN. I like Sarah Palin a lot these days. She says that Paul Ryan should be punished politically for his refusal to endorse Trump. In fact, she plans to support Ryan's opponent in the next election. I couldn't agree more. The Republican elite need to stand by their man. It comes down to the will of the people.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Friday, May 6, 2016

Friday

(What a set of balls on this guy.)

Yesterday, I took my youngest son to see the new Captain America movie. The Dragon Lady came with us. The film was absolute trash. There were too many explosions and fist-fights. I turned into a zombie. But my kid had a hell of a time. He especially liked Spider man. The next movie he wants to see is Angry Birds. Being a daddy isn't for pussies.

Later, we went to eat at a restaurant called Ashley's. It features an American buffet and a Gone With the Wind motif. I had pork ribs and several plates of crab fried rice. I consumed many glasses of red wine with the meal. I'm not really a wine guy, so I got quite stoned. The management of Ashley's let's one drink as much as one wishes. However, public drunkenness is frowned upon. It is, after all, a family-style eatery.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings. My wife's still on her medication, and to my surprise, she hasn't gone bat shit crazy. But today's a huge test. Soon we'll be taking the train to Daegu in order to watch Samsung play SK. I'm just praying that she can hold it together.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. The powers-that-be in Seoul are shitting their pants over Trump's nomination. They're terrified about having to pay the full bill for their defense against the north. The Donald inspires fear and trepidation across the globe. That's what I love about him.

I turned on CNN. Paul Ryan's refusing to support the Republican nominee. He says that he just can't do it. What a set of balls on this guy. If I were king of the world, I'd march Mr. Ryan without delay to the town square and have him promptly beheaded. After that, I'd encourage the local children to pelt his corpse with fruits and vegetables.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Thursday, May 5, 2016

Thursday

(Kasich is out.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady went to Emart. She bought the family fried chicken. It came in a cardboard bucket. The poultry tasted very good. Me and the boys devoured the bird in less than fifteen minutes. I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola. The experience was marvelous.

I watched the Samsung Lions lose another ball game. They were defeated 6 to 3 by the Nexen Heroes. The Lions are one of the worst teams in the league. Nevertheless, I'm taking a super-fast train to Daegu tomorrow to see them play the SK Wyverns. Their stadium is new and quite beautiful. I plan to drink lots of beer.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty nihilist. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings. My wife is far from perfect, but at least she hasn't killed anybody. Plus my children are healthy and happy. Things could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Djibouti.

I went to bed at 9 p.m. I had a dream about watching the Red Sox in Fenway Park. I sat next to Tommy Lasorda. I told him that I didn't like baseball. He agreed, claiming that the game was too slow.

I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A woman from Daejon was sentenced to three years in prison for buying a baby from an unwed mother. The child cost less than a thousand dollars. The mother was given a 10 month suspended sentence.

I turned on CNN. John Kasich dropped out of the race. The Donald is now officially the Republican nominee. In fact, Mr. Trump claims that he might choose Kasich as a running mate. John is Lehman Brothers scum. However, Donald desperately needs to win Ohio to have a shot against Crooked Hillary. I understand his motivation.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Wednesday

(Handsome Donald closes the deal.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady brought home a pepperoni pizza for dinner. The meal came from Pizza Hut. It cost a fortune. Living in Korea isn't cheap. Nevertheless, the food tasted fabulous. I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola. The experience was marvelous.

I watched Penny Dreadful. Miss Ives is losing her mind. She sees a psychiatrist in an attempt to control her melancholy. Meanwhile, Frankenstein's monster is shipwrecked near the North Pole. He kills a feverish suffering child with his bare hands. After that, he starts walking back over the ice toward London. And, to make matters more interesting, Count Dracula's now prowling the streets looking for blood.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy nihilist. I asked The Savior to help the Dragon Lady with her mental problems. She's a moody woman. Last night, she scolded me repeatedly for giving a female friend a ride to Emart. In my defense, the woman in question is 65-years-old, and I'm not into grandmothers.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had a dream about wandering down a busy street. I feared that I would be smashed to bits by oncoming traffic.

I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. The Korean government is concerned about illegal immigration. When apprehended, immigrants are fined and immediately sent home. Yet Koreans always rant and rave about Americans being heartless to undocumented aliens. Talk about hypocrisy.

I turned on CNN. Donald Trump crushed Ted Cruz in the Indiana primary.  In fact, Mr. Cruz suspended his campaign after the carnage. So The Donald is now the Republican nominee. It's officially a done deal. I no longer doubt his ability to win the presidential election. He shall rip Hillary a new asshole.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.  

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Tuesday

(Jon Snow is alive. What a bunch of shit.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady made chicken for dinner. Her skill with poultry is a far cry from mine. Nevertheless, it was great not having to cook for the boys. For the most part, I just sat on my ass and stuffed my fat face. I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola. I'm a broke dead dick, so I can't afford the good stuff.

I watched Game of Thrones. The Red Witch is actually an old hag with flabby tits. And, if that ain't bad enough, she brings Jon Snow back to life with blood magic. I'm deeply disappointed in Snow's resurrection. The whole plot turn--except for the part with the saggy boobs--comes across as stale and predictable. John needs to stay dead.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I thanked Jesus for my many blessings. I've been married for seventeen years to a maniac with Graves' Disease. But, with that said, she hasn't drowned my children in a scalding bathtub or burned them with cigarettes. I try to remain positive. Things could always be a lot worse. Plus she has agreed to take her medicine regularly for the next 24 months. Happy days are here again.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Young Koreans are upset with their lots in life. They study and work like dogs, yet they find it very difficult to get ahead. Many wish to leave the peninsula as soon as possible. My advice to them? Life can often be a shit sandwich. Find God and remain spiritual, for without Him, you are hopelessly screwed.

I turned on CNN. A young man at a Ted Cruz rally shouted you suck at the Texas senator. The troublesome teen was immediately led away from the premises by security. Cruz went on to say that the child should be spanked by his parents. I understand Ted's point. The boy's actions were rude. Nevertheless, I don't believe in corporal punishment. Maybe I'm a pussy.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Monday, May 2, 2016

Monday

(Who would actually vote for this idiot?)

Yesterday, I took the Dragon Lady and my youngest son to a restaurant for dinner. We enjoyed barbecue pork and white rice. The eatery had no chairs, so we sat on the floor. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to get back to my feet. But I managed. The food was delicious. I washed the vittles down with several glasses of cola. A good time was had by all.

Later, my wife took me to a popular shopping district among expats. I'm a fat ass, so it's very difficult for me to find clothes here on the peninsula. We discovered several stores that actually cater to morbidly obese white men. I purchased five pairs of pants. The bill came to $180, and the merchandise is very comfortable. I'm quite pleased with the results.

I watched CNN. The Cruz campaign is losing steam in the state of Indiana. Ted's getting his ass chewed like bubble-gum in all of the polls. However, he has no plans to drop out.  He's in it till the end. Cruz and Kasich remind me of buzzards waiting to dine on a corpse. They lack any chance of getting the nomination, so they remain perched on a telephone pole hoping for a fatal accident.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I asked The Savior to look over my crazy wife. We're back together again. However, she's still being eaten alive by Graves' Disease. She's on a higher dose of medication. Hopefully it will work this time.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Several North Korean defectors were arrested for smuggling meth into the peninsula. The North isn't above pushing drugs and counterfeit bills to support their floundering economy.

I turned on CNN. The Bernie Sanders' campaign has officially shit the bed. He now admits that victory is almost impossible. Nevertheless, he's remaining in the race in order to ensure that the democratic ticket is brimming with progressive ideas--whatever that means.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.