Monday, March 28, 2016

Monday

(The religion of peace strikes again.)

Yesterday, I took my eldest son to a restaurant. We enjoyed two large pepperoni pizzas. The meal cost $32. I'm not a huge fan of pizza because I hate cheese. I have to scrape it off. But it was Easter, and my kid is tired of chicken. So what's a daddy to do? I washed the vittles down with several large glasses of generic cola. I'm a broke dead dick. Therefore, I can't afford the good stuff.

I watched the latest episode of Vikings. Ragnar leads his men back to France. They terrorize the nation, killing many innocent people. Four French soldiers are burned alive by Floki and his new buddies. They piss on the victims to add insult to injury. Meanwhile, Rollo remains a big-shot in Paris. He's protecting the king against the barbarian onslaught.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy heathen. I thanked The Savior for my many blessings. My children are healthy and reasonably intelligent. Plus we can occasionally afford to eat beef. Things could be a lot worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in The Congo.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had a dream concerning my youngest son Bluce. I thought he was suffering from OCD, so I took him to a hospital. The doctor explained that he was actually afflicted with autism. I couldn't believe my ears.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Koreans who decide to get divorced must go through a mandatory class on child abuse. Dead kids keep turning up all over the peninsula. Therefore, the government's trying to avoid more tragic murders.

I turned on CNN. Sixty-nine Christians were killed in Lahore, Pakistan. The religion of peace struck yet again. Most of the victims were women and children who were at a park celebrating Easter Sunday. Islam is a terrible cancer. These lunatics will be the death of us all.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Thursday, March 24, 2016

Thursday

(Heidi Cruz vs. Donald Trump)

Yesterday, I cooked chicken for dinner. I prepared the bird using liberal amounts of salt and grease. It tasted wonderful. My eldest son ate every last morsel on his plate. He raved about the flavor. I washed the vittles down with two bottles of Jinro soju and a big glass of Cass beer. The experience was marvelous.

I watched CNN. A super-pac used a sexy picture of Mrs. Trump in one of their ads. The Donald flew off the handle and threatened to spill the beans about Heidi Cruz. It turns out that Mrs. Cruz used to have a problem with depression. Many years ago, the police found her on the side of a highway talking to herself. She was drunk out of her mind. They immediately took her to an asylum fearing that she might hurt herself. The story isn't that big of a deal. Lots of people suffer from mood disorders.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings. My youngest son Bluce is out of the hospital. He's doing fine. Plus I have enough money to occasionally eat beef. Things could be a lot worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Liberia.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had a dream about eating dinner in a log cabin. I was with a lot of other people. There was snow outside.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the newspaper while enjoying a bathroom break. A mother recently murdered her four-year-old daughter. The victim was drowned in a tub. Rather than face a trial, she went ahead and killed herself. Now her husband is facing criminal charges. Sadly, the police can't find the little girl's body.

I turned on CNN. Europe is totally screwed. The continent's crawling with Islamic nut-jobs. The state department has even gone so far as to warn Americans to stay away. There are places in Denmark and France where Sharia law has taken over. We can't allow this type of nonsense to happen in America.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Wednesday

(The religion of peace strikes again.)

Yesterday, I made chicken for dinner. I cooked the poultry using liberal amounts of salt and grease. The meal tasted wonderful. My eldest son ate every morsel on his plate. I washed the vittles down with two bottles of Jinro soju. I also drank a big cup of beer. The experience was marvelous.

I watched CNN. Islamic maniacs murdered thirty people in Brussels. Wolf Blitzer interviewed Donald Trump concerning the latest attack. Mr. Trump believes that we should bring back water boarding. I don't see the point. The CIA got thrown under the bus for using enhanced interrogation. So if  The Donald wants to bring back torture, he'll have to bring his own towel and bucket.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy nihilist. I asked The Savior to help my youngest boy Bluce overcome his current illness. The poor kid's still in the hospital, suffering with pneumonia. However, he remains in good spirits. Bluce will be released on Saturday.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had a dream about being very hungry and eating octopus in a cafeteria. The tables were dirty.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. The Samsung Lions are my favorite Korean baseball team. The club has a new stadium.  The facility can hold up to 24,000 fans. The season starts on April 1st. I watch baseball every day. I don't know why.

I turned on CNN.  Ted Cruz wants to use the police to monitor Muslim neighborhoods in America. I absolutely hate Mr. Cruz. He's just another Goldman Sachs ass-licker. Nevertheless, I agree with him on this particular policy. Islam is a religion which caters to maniacs. Best to keep eyes on them. Better safe than sorry.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now and God bless everybody. 

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Tuesday

(The Donald wants to reduce our role in NATO.)

Yesterday, I made eggs and toast for dinner. I also prepared ham sandwiches and French fries. The meal was delicious. My eldest boy ate every morsel on his plate. I washed the vittles down with a single bottle of soju. The experience was heavenly.

I watched several episodes of American Crime Story. The first season focuses on the O.J. Simpson trial. I remember that Bronco ride like it was yesterday. I knew that Simpson would be set free as soon as I saw that the jury was black. But you have to hand it to his attorneys. The entire team screwed the Los Angeles Police Department right up the keester. Their collective performance was masterful. May they all burn in hell.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I asked The Savior to look after my youngest son. He's currently in the hospital with pneumonia. This is the third time he's caught the illness since his birth. Nevertheless, he's in great spirits. And his hospital is offering superb care. I remain confident in a happy outcome.

I went to bed at 11 pm. I had another dream involving Burger King. I defecated on the floor and grew worried that the other customers might notice. Damn. How could they not notice? Dreams are crazy that way.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Foreign workers are protesting in Seoul. They claim that the powers-that-be discriminate against them. And they're absolutely right. Koreans hate outsiders. But things are gradually improving.

I turned on CNN. Wolf Blitzer interviewed Donald Trump. The Donald wants to reduce our role in NATO. He says that it's too expensive and that we should spend our money fixing our own nation. I couldn't agree more. Globalism sucks. America must come first.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Wednesday

(Rubio shits the bed. So long, Little Marco.)

Yesterday, I made steak for dinner. Beef's a rare treat for my two sons. Unfortunately, their daddy is a broke dead dick, so I usually stick to chicken. But every once in a while, it's important to splurge. The meal tasted fantastic. I washed the vittles down with several large glasses of Cass. Cass is my favorite Korean beer.

I watched CNN. Marco Rubio promised to shock the world with a victory in Florida. Well, he's now officially out of the race. The most interesting part of the show involved Jeffrey Lord. Alisyn Camerota asked about Trump's views on women, and how they might affect him in the general election against Clinton. Mr. Lord immediately shot back by resurrecting the Juanita Broaddrick scandal. This contest will soon turn into a blood-bath. I can't wait.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty nihilist. I asked The Savior to watch over my eldest son. He recently caught his younger brother's flu bug. I try not to complain. My kids are normal, and I can afford to eat meat. It doesn't get much better than that.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream. I woke up at 5 a.m. and read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. The Korean government is toying with the notion of mandatory parenting classes for all expecting mothers and fathers. Child abuse is rampant here on the peninsula. But making these educational sessions mandatory seems a bit over-the-top. I'm not sure if Korea is actually a democracy.

I turned on CNN. Trump's still dominating the news cycle. Today is Super Tuesday Part II. The pundits were talking about various ways to stop The Donald. Well, good luck with that. It looks like he just won four out of five states.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Tuesday

(Screw the NAACP. And screw the horse they rode in on.)

Yesterday, I made chicken for dinner. I fried the bird using liberal amounts of salt and grease. The meal tasted fantastic. My eldest son ate every morsel on his plate. I washed the vittles down with two bottles of soju. I chased the alcohol with a large glass of beer. The experience was heavenly.

I watched another episode of The X-Files. The smoking man now has to place his lit cigarettes in his a hole drilled through his neck. Agent Reyes is his Girl Friday. Meanwhile, Fox and most of the world are dying from compromised immune systems. But Scully has an anedote. She whipped up a cure using alien DNA. It helps to be drunk when viewing The X-Files.  All the nonsense seems more realistic.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy nihilist. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings. I don't suffer from hemorrhoids. Plus I get to occasionally eat beef. Trust me. Things could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Djibouti.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup on instant coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Most Koreans are suspicious of foreigners. They don't appreciate multiculturalism. I'm not surprised. Asians tend to be quite racist. They even hate each other. But what do I know? I'm pulling for Trump to win the election.

I turned on CNN. The NAACP thinks that The Donald is a racist. I couldn't disagree more. Protesters are paid to attend his rallies. They get up and goad thousands of supporters. I honestly believe that Trumpians display a great deal of kindness and patience toward the Black Lives Matter and Bernie Sanders ass-hats.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Monday, March 14, 2016

Monday

(Thomas Dimassimo is a freaking idiot.)

Yesterday, I took my eldest son to a restaurant. We ate fifteen dollars worth of fried chicken. I washed the vittles down with a pitcher of Cass. Cass is my favorite Korean beer. My boy hates going out with me. He'd rather stay home and play his computer. But I really enjoy his company.

I watched the latest episode of Vikings. Rollo reconciles with his French wife. He's now a big-shot in Medieval Paris. Meanwhile, Floki's named the next village psychic by the creepy guy with no eyes. However, the best part of this particular episode is the battle between Bjorn and the beserker. Bjorn ties him to a tree and rips his guts out with a knife. Now that's entertainment.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy pagan. I asked The Savior to look after my estranged wife. Her Graves' Disease is completely out of control. Her next step involves having her thyroid removed surgically. It's not an easy procedure.

I went to bed at 9 p.m. I had another dream about smoking. I was discovered with a pack of Marlboro by a ship's captain. He was pretty pissed off. He gave me the stink-eye.

I woke up at five a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. There's yet another case of horrendous child abuse here on the peninsula. A seven-year-old boy was beaten to death by his father and step-mother. They buried his corpse on the side of a hill.

I turned on CNN. The network decided to interview the dip-shit who charged Donald Trump in Ohio. This clown is named Thomas Dimassimo. The liberal media regards him as some type of hero. The Donald and his supporters are being blamed for Mr. Dimassimo's ass-hattery. I simply don't get it. 

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Wednesday

(Karl Rove can go take a flying screw at a rolling donut.)

Yesterday, I had to take my automobile to a mechanic. He replaced the muffler and exhaust pipe. The bill came to $160. I can't complain. It's a very reasonable price. The car I drive is thirteen-years-old. It used to belong to my father-in-law. I'm expecting it to finally crap-out in the near future.

I drove home and made bacon for dinner. I bought the pork at Emart. I like pork. It's cheap and tasty. The meal turned out wonderful. My eldest son raved about the flavor. I'm becoming quite the chef. Perhaps I'm half-a-fag. I washed the vittles down with two bottles of Jinro soju. The experience was marvelous.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy misanthrope. I thanked The Savior for my many blessings. Both my children are healthy. Furthermore, I've never worn an adult diaper. Things could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Chad.

I went to bed at 9 p.m. I dreamed about Burger King. I had to defecate, but I was afraid to use the restaurant's facilities. Finally, I got up from my table and did my business. James Gandolfini applauded my efforts. No kidding.

I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A former sex-slave is flying to Washington to tell her story to the powers-that-be. Many Korean women were forced into brothels during World War II by the Japanese. It was their job to entertain the soldiers.

I turned on CNN. Karl Rove met with movers and shakers on an island off the coast of Georgia.  Paul Ryan also attended. These elite assholes are trying to find a way to stop Trump. Well, I've got some bad news. The Donald has just won Mississippi and Michigan. So Mr. Rove and his hot-shot friends can go take a flying screw at a rolling donut.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Tuesday

(Lindsey Graham is a typical do-nothing politician.)
 
Yesterday, I made chicken for dinner. I fried the bird using liberal amounts of grease and salt. The meal tasted wonderful. My eldest boy ate every morsel on his plate. He raved about the flavor. I truly am the king of poultry. I washed the vittles down with two bottles of Jinro soju and a large glass of Cass beer. The experience was heavenly.

I watched another episode of The X-Files. A homeless guy invents a foul-smelling monster who goes around killing capitalists. The beast tears their limbs apart and places their heads in the recycling bin. After each murder, it disappears in a garbage truck. I can't remember how Mulder destroys the creature. Too much soju has fogged my memory.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I asked The Savior to help my youngest son. He's still suffering from the flu. Life comes and goes. We're all just blades of grass baking in the summer heat. I try to swim in the shallow end of the pool. Thinking too hard gives me a headache.

I went to bed at 9 p.m. I had a dream about eating in McDonald's. I ran into a friend of mine. He told me that I wasn't allowed to use the bank. I became furious.

I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A woman in India was burned alive by her brothers. They were angry because she married outside of her caste. If I were king of the world, I would have these scoundrels drawn and quartered. Trump's right. What this world needs is more torture.

I turned on CNN. Lindsey Graham exhorted republicans to vote against The Donald. He believes that Mr. Trump will destroy the entire party. Nobody listens to dullards like Lindsey anymore. He's just a typical do-nothing politician. Screw him and screw the horse he rode in on.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody. 

Monday, March 7, 2016

Monday

(Bernie has zero chance of garnering the nomination.)

Yesterday, I went to church. I can't remember what the pastor said. I believe he talked about being a soldier of God. I tend to zone-out during most of the sermons. I'm terrible that way. Perhaps I have Alzheimer's Disease.

I took my eldest son to McDonald's. We both had Big Macs and French fries. We washed the vittles down with large glasses of genuine Coca-Cola. The meal came to ten dollars. The experience was heavenly. All those carbohydrates sent me straight to the moon.

I watched UFC 196. Nate Diaz kicked the shit out of Conor McGregor. The bout was stopped near the end of the second round. Conor hit Diaz with his best shots during the first few minutes of the contest. But Nate never budged. McGregor just had too much trouble dealing with the bigger man. I love the UFC. All that non-stop violence is truly glorious.

(A bloody Nate Diaz emerges victorious.)

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty nihilist. I asked The Savior to watch over my youngest son. The poor kid contracted Swine Flu. He's currently resting at home.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had a dream about seeing a Jethro Tull concert. I sat in the audience, but the band never actually played any music. They just stood there, and the crowd grew restless. 

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. The South Korean police are cracking down on domestic violence. Back in the day, men on the peninsula were allowed to give their wives a good smack to keep them in line. But times have since changed.

I turned on CNN. Hillary and Bernie are having a debate tonight in Flint, Michigan. Bernie has no chance of garnering the nomination. Democrats are only interested in the same-old, same-old. At least Republicans have the balls to vote for Trump. America desperately needs change.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Friday, March 4, 2016

Friday

(Screw Mitt Romney. And screw the horse he rode in on.)

Yesterday, I made chicken for dinner. I cooked the bird using liberal amounts of salt and grease. The meal tasted fantastic. My eldest son ate every morsel on his plate. I'm the king of poultry. I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic ginger ale. I now only drink alcohol on Friday and Saturday evenings.

I watched another episode of The X-Files. A mutated lizard is bitten by an angry human. The infected reptile becomes a man by day and spends his life pursuing a meaningless job. The poor creature contemplates suicide. Luckily, Agent Mulder talks him down from the ledge. It's nice to see Fox and Dana back together again.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty heathen. I asked The Savior to watch over The Dragon Lady. Her health's rapidly deteriorating. She might need surgery to remove her thyroid. I don't know the full details. She hasn't talked to me for nearly three weeks.

I went to bed at 9 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. South Koreans are begging Americans to vote for someone other than Trump. They regard the billionaire as a menace to global peace. I couldn't disagree more. The Donald will make a wonderful president.

I turned on CNN. Mitt Romney gave a self-serving speech bashing Mr. Trump.  Romney's hoping for a brokered convention so that he can get the nomination from the powers-that-be. He's a cynical snake. This Mormon charlatan lost me back when he called 47 percent of my fellow Americans a bunch of losers.

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.  

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Wednesday

(Is Marco Rubio a homosexual?)
 
Yesterday, I made chicken for dinner. I cooked the bird using generous amounts of grease and salt. The meal tasted fabulous. My eldest son ate every last morsel on his plate. I'm the king of poultry. I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic ginger ale. I'm a broke dead dick, so I can't afford the good stuff.

I watched The X-Files. Mulder and Scully look a lot older. But the years have been kind to both of them.  They're still attractive people. Unfortunately, I'm a complete mess. I'm fat, and my teeth are rotting away in my head. Anyway, Fox still believes that the government's in cahoots with space creatures to destroy the human race. The show remains entertaining.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy pagan. I thanked The Savior for my many blessings. For instance, I'm not suffering from syphilis. Plus I can afford to occasionally eat beef.  A lot of people in this sorry world can't say that.  Things could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in The Congo.

I went to bed at 9 p.m. I had a dream about Donald Trump. He gave me his home phone number and told me to give him a buzz. I'm taking this election crap way too seriously.

I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A man is Seoul got fired from his job. He didn't tell his family and pretended to go to work every day. But he spent his afternoons committing random burglaries. He made over ten thousand dollars in less than three months. He's now in jail.

I checked my Facebook page. Alex Jones claims that Rubio used to be a homosexual. I'm not sure if I trust the story. Alex is a well-known loon. Nevertheless, the picture's quite entertaining. Marco appears to be dancing Village People style with other scantily-clad men. Is this the best that the Republican establishment can come up with? Really?

Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.