Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Tuesday

(Peter Pan wins the day.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady made pork and rice for dinner.  The meat was covered in a thick spicy red sauce.  I didn't care for the flavor.  All that heat burned a hole right through my tongue.  Then I had a nasty case of the runs.  But I didn't complain.  I just smiled and ate my vittles like a dull country bumpkin.  I'm wonderful that way.  The sun's always shining at my humble abode.

I watched the UFC.  The main bout featured Lyoto Machida vs. Yoel Romero.  The first two rounds were very competitive.  Then Yoel threw Machida to the ground and knocked the Brazilian unconscious with his elbows.  After that, the victor--whose English is barely passable--went into an unintelligible rant on the subject of gay marriage.  I'm not sure if he's for or against the Supreme Court's decision.  But it was very entertaining, nonetheless.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty atheist.  I asked Jesus to give me the strength to keep my sanity.  The Dragon Lady definitely suffers from a Class B personality disorder.  I used to think that she was borderline.  However, I'm leaning in the direction of narcissism these days. 

What changed my mind?  Both conditions center around uncontrollable rage.  But my wife has never apologized for any of her outrageous deeds in all the years I've known her.  And trust me.  She's guilty of some real atrocities.  Talk about an ego.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  The Five discussed gay marriage in America.  Eric Bolling believes the republicans should avoid the issue whenever possible.  It's definitely a loser in today's climate.  The battle's over, and Peter Pan has won the day.  Who would have guessed it? 

On a personal note...I really hold a great deal of respect for the homosexual community.  Those fags, lezbos, and lady-boys have been causing a ruckus since Abraham's time.  Yet they keep on keeping on.  And, as long as the government doesn't force conservative churches to unite them in holy matrimony, then I strongly support their secular freedom.  America's not a theocracy.  Live and let live.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  A Korean man went swimming in the ocean.  He was bitten by a poisonous octopus and subsequently rushed to the nearest hospital.  He's currently doing OK.  I stay out of the water.  Who knows what the hell is in there?  I didn't even realize that an octopus could be poisonous.  With my luck, I'd get ass-raped by an electrical eel.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's You and I by Yes.  God bless.

Monday, June 29, 2015

Monday

(Orange Is the New Black is a lot of laughs.)

Yesterday, I went to church with my eldest son.  The sermon centered on death.  How should Christians react to the big sleep?  The pastor told us that nobody truly dies.  This world's just our temporary home as Ur was a temporary home to Abraham.  In fact, the only real estate that Abraham actually owned was a cave where he buried his dead wife.  The message was soothing.

I watched season three of Orange Is the New Black.  A private corporation takes over the prison.  The company's trimming the budget in order to make a profit.  Consequently, all the guards are reduced to part-time status.  The institution hires novices to watch over the female felons.  This gives Piper a great idea.  She decides to sell her soiled panties on the internet to get some fast cash.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy pagan.  I thanked Jesus for turning my son into a math wizard.  The kid managed to pull down A's on his last two exams.  I couldn't be happier.  I just hope he isn't cheating. 

I also asked The Savior to help the Dragon Lady with her anger issues.  James and I are no longer allowed to live at home on the weekends.  We must find other lodgings on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays.  What a pisser.  On the bright side, the peace is delightful.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on the internet.  Greece is in collapsing.  But I still can't see them exiting the Euro.  The global powers-that-be would have a complete shit-fit.  I'm no fan of Alex Jones.  Nevertheless, I wouldn't be surprised if an act of terror occurs in Athens, forcing Tsipras to step aside.  The banks will get their coin one way or another.

I read The Hobbit while enjoying a bathroom break.  I loved the novel back when I was a kid.  I forgot how enjoyable it is.  However, I certainly missed my newspaper.  It doesn't get delivered to my weekend retreat.  There's something about the black ink which brings me joy.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Sundown by Gordon Lightfoot.  God bless.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Thursday

(Salem:  Season 2 has jumped the shark.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady went shopping at Emart.  She brought home a large pepperoni pizza.  It came in a big cardboard box. The meal was delicious--especially the crust.  I'm a huge fan of junk food.  I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola.  I'm overweight and my teeth are falling out.  But I only have to make it for another 19 years.  After that, I'm free to die of ass cancer.

I watched Salem.  Mary Sibly's frantic because Lucy Lawless stole her son.  Lucy wants to turn the child into Satan's cabana boy.  Meanwhile, John Aldon hides in the woods in order to assassinate the young man.  But John's too late.  The devil's already been unleashed.  Season one was full of witch trials and hangings.  Sadly, season two has jumped the shark.  The writers need to go back to the drawing board.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty pagan.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  I thanked Jesus once again for the gift of patience.  I get the results of my son's algebra test later in the day.  His score is bound to be extremely disappointing.  But I can live with the sadness.  After all, what's a daddy to do?

I went to bed at 9 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 5 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  Neil Cavuto doesn't believe in global warming.  I'm skeptical, too.  Back when Neil and I were children, our government told us that the world was going into a severe ice age.  No kidding.  The news scared the living shit out of me.  I really believed that my friends and I would have to live in igloos for the rest of our lives just like a pack of filthy Canadians.  Well, the disaster never occurred.  I now suffer from trust issues.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  The news was quite joyful.  The match between Jose Aldo and Conor McGregor is back as originally scheduled.  It turns out the Jose's rib wasn't broken.  He merely sustained a bone bruise.  July 11th is definitely circled on my calender.  This fight will be one for the ages. 

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's I Am I Said by Neil Diamond.  God bless.  

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Wednesday

(The Aldo-McGregor fight is in deep jeopardy.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady prepared beef and French fries for dinner.  The meal was quite good.  The fries were a bit overcooked. But a day without rice is always a plus.  I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola.  Sugary soft-drinks give me much pleasure.

I watched the season finale of Aquarius.  Sam's son is arrested for treason by the military police.  His mother cries in anguish as he's dragged away in chains.  Meanwhile, Charlie's lawyer friend murders another prostitute.  Charlie hides the body in order to blackmail his companion.  Aquarius is very entertaining.  However, the program will soon be canceled.  It's not doing well in the ratings.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy misanthrope.  I asked Jesus to give me the gift of patience.  My eldest son's in the eighth-grade.  The boy's taking an algebra test today.  He'll probably come home with another poor showing.  Oh well.  Not everyone was meant to attend MIT.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  The Confederate flag was the top story.  The Five are happy that South Carolina is removing it from the state house.  The panel also applauded Walmart for banning the symbol from their stores.  Make no mistake.  The flag's a racist emblem of hate.  But it didn't kill nine people.  That atrocity was committed by a mentally ill drug-addled monster.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  I was overwhelmed by some very sad news.  The July 11th fight between Conor McGregor and Jose Aldo is in deep jeopardy.  Aldo fractured his rib while in training camp.  I can't tell you how excited I was to see this match.  The brash Irishman is a pain in the ass, and Aldo would've given him the beating he so richly deserves.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Southside by Moby.  God bless.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Tuesday

(True Detective is going to be a lot of fun.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served shrimp fried rice for dinner.  The meal was excellent.  She bought the food at a Chinese restaurant and brought it back to our humble abode.  I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola.  I'm a broke dead dick, so I can't afford the good stuff.  But that's OK.  My life's still a bed of roses.  At least I wasn't born in Tajikistan.

I watched the season premiere of True Detective.  It stars Colin Farrel as an alcoholic cop with lots of anger issues.  He stumbles upon a satanic murder scene.  The victim's eyes have been burned away with acid.  To make matter's worse, the dead man's house is awash with all types of sick religious and sexual totems.  There's even a skeletal version of the Virgin Mary resting on his dresser.  What can I tell you?  I love this type of twisted shit.  I don't plan on missing a single episode.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty atheist.  I asked Jesus to protect my children from evil people.  The world's filled with darkness.  And Lucifer's minions are in control of our broken planet.  I just hope my boys never succumb to their dark siren song.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I had a dream about driving through Seattle with Howard from The Big Bang Theory.  We had a great time listening to music on the radio.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  Obama said the N-word on a radio show.  The Five were flabbergasted.  They believe that the president's frank language demeans the office.  I disagree.  I don't tell adult black men the types of words they're allowed to use to describe their feelings about racial issues.  Who died and made me boss?

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  Two more people expired from MERS.  Nevertheless, the Korean government claims that the disease is under control.  I refuse to badmouth the powers-that-be.  The last thing I need is to spend time in a prison cell.  If they say it's under control, then that's good enough for me.  I love and trust Big Sister.  No kidding.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down by The Band.  God bless.

Monday, June 22, 2015

Monday

(Jessica Penne got her ass kicked.)

Yesterday, I attended church.  The hour-long sermon focused on the issue of homosexuality.  Of course, both my pastors frown upon sodomy.  According to them, anal sex will earn you a one way ticket to hell.  But I've got my own problems. Deviant nookie just isn't an issue which worries me. 

Nevertheless, I like my new church.  The leadership's comprised entirely of unabashed conservatives who aren't afraid to tackle controversial issues.  I'm not a right-winger.  In fact, I'm not even a capitalist.  Yet I find conservatives a hell of a lot more entertaining than liberals.  These speakers actually keep me awake during the sermons.  Left-wing love-fests often tucker me out.

I took the family to McDonald's.  I ate a Whopper plus a large order of French fries.  The Children of the Rice had Chicken McNuggets.  I washed the vittles down with a glass of genuine Coca-Cola.  I'm a huge fan of junk food.  Sometimes, a man has to splurge.

We drove back to our Soviet-style concrete tenement.  I watched the UFC.  Joanna Jedrzejczyk, a monster from Poland, is the current straw-weight champion of the world.  She pummeled a woman named Jessica Penne for three rounds with savage kicks and punches.  Penne's face was a mask of blood and bruises.  Finally, the ref was forced to stop the contest.  The UFC's my favorite guilty pleasure.  I can't get enough.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy nihilist.  I asked Jesus to help my mom through her trying time.  I also begged the savior to make my boys as straight as arrows.  Having gay sons would be an absolute kick in the nuts.  The last thing I need is a future without grand kids.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Meet the Press.  The guest was James Clyburn.  He blamed the tragic shooting in South Carolina on the confederate battle flag.  He wants it banned.  Not once did Clyburn mention drugs, rage, or mental illness.  No kidding.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  Scientists say that our planet is quickly approaching its sixth extinction event.  They claim that the human race won't survive.  We're destined for oblivion.  I'm not too worried.  Nobody gets out alive.  The best we can hope for is a painless death.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Welcome to the Machine by Pink Floyd.  God bless.   

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Sunday

 
(Pope Francis floats my boat.)
 
Yesterday, the Dragon Lady went to Costco.  She brought home some roasted chicken for dinner.  The meal was tasty.  I'm a big fan of poultry.  The meat tastes great, but it doesn't break the bank.  I washed the vittles with several glasses of generic cola.  I'm a lucky man.  At least I wasn't born in Chad.

I watched mixed martial arts.  The marquee match of the evening featured 41-year-old Kimbo Slice against 51-year-old Ken Shamrock.  Kimbo outweighed Shamrock by forty pounds.  Nevertheless, the old man got his younger opponent in a choke-hold and nearly rendered him unconscious.  But Slice broke free and knocked Ken into next week with a vicious right hand.  The ref stopped the contest, declaring Slice the victor.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty atheist.  I asked Jesus to protect my children from the temptation of intoxicants.  The shooting in South Carolina wasn't caused by institutionalized racism--as some might have you believe.  The slaughter was nothing more than a drug-fueled episode of intense rage by a mentally unstable loon.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I had a strange dream.  The characters from Lonesome Dove were outside my shabby apartment killing Comanches.  I wanted to join them, but my wife wouldn't let me.  Her refusal pissed me off.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  Two murderers recently escaped from a maximum security prison in upstate New York.  Police believe that the men are trying to cross into Pennsylvania.  State troopers are sweeping the area.  These fugitives will eventually get caught.  I just hope that nobody gets killed before they're apprehended.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  Pope Francis believes in global warming.  He wants us to take better care of our planet.  I used to think that the Roman Catholic Church was satanic.  In fact, I'm still not a big fan of the institution.  But I absolutely love this pope.  I wish that Francis was my neighbor.  He comes from that great tradition of liberation theology which still exists in Latin America.  It's nice to have a pontiff who isn't a capitalist pig.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Please Come to Boston by David Allen Coe.  God bless.

Friday, June 19, 2015

Friday

(Dylaan Roof has a lot of demons.)

Last night, the Dragon Lady went to Dunkin Donuts.  Thursday evening is always pastry night in our humble abode.  I stuffed those chocolate goodies into my face until I nearly exploded.  Then I washed them down with several glasses of generic cola.  The experience was heavenly.  All that sugar sent me straight to the moon.

I watched the Samsung Lions get their asses kicked by the Doonsan Bears.  The final score was 6 to 3.  The losing pitcher is named Tyler Cloyd.  He's an American who makes $600,000 a year.  That's great money.  The Lions have dropped eight of their last ten games.  Nevertheless, they remain near the top of the standings.  Most people believe that Samsung will win the championship yet again.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty pagan.  I asked Jesus to help my mother with her cancer scare.  Nobody gets to live forever on this planet.  But we can--if we're lucky--experience some semblance of peace while we still draw breath.  To her credit, the old lady seems quite placid.  We'll just have to wait and see what the doctor says.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  A young man named Dylann Roof killed nine people in a South Carolina church.  His motive for the murders was racial.  Mr. Roof believes that black men are taking over the earth by fornicating with too many white girls.  He'll probably get the death penalty for his crimes.  Oh well.  Serves him right.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  A young Korean actress died from jumping out of an airplane.  Her parachute opened, but she landed in the sea.  The poor woman drowned.  She was only 35-years-old.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's I Am the Walrus by The Beatles.  God bless.     

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Thursday

(Eric Bolling got attacked by Dana Perino.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady prepared beef and rice for dinner.  The meal was more of the same old, same old.  I'm sick of rice.  In Asia, it's even served at breakfast along with smelly, blood-curdling kimchi.  I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola.  I try to remain positive at all costs.  I'm just thankful that I wasn't born in Liberia.

My mom called.  The doctor found a lump in her breast, so she has to go in for a biopsy.  Strangely enough, I feel optimistic.  Not a single person in her family has ever had any type of cancer.  Plus she's experiencing no pain or fatigue.  But what do I know?  Mom's 68-years-old.  This thing called life doesn't last forever.  However, I'm not going to lie.  Her demise would crush me.  The big difference between my mother and my wife is that my mother actually loves me.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty misanthrope.  I asked Jesus for eternal life and the keys to his kingdom.  And why not?  If you're going to talk to the Savior, you might as well go for the gusto.  When my spirit passes to the other side, I want prime real-estate.  I certainly don't wish to live in the same neighborhood as the capitalists and the whore-mongers.  I've got standards.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  The Five was rather exciting.  Dana Perino accused Eric Bolling of pandering to Donald Trump.  She claimed that he's kissing Trump's ass in order to get on Celebrity Apprentice.  Eric went nuts.  He became so angry that he had trouble forming words.  I really thought he might storm off the set.  Yet, in the end, he managed to hold it together.  Good for him.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  A man from Seoul was arrested for breaking windows with a slingshot.  He caused $9,000 in damages.  Slingshots are super dangerous.  Those projectiles are capable of taking human life.  Just ask Goliath.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Jailhouse Rock by Elvis Presley.  God bless.  

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Wednesday

(Penny Dreadful is filled with naughty creatures.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served spicy chicken sandwiches for dinner.  The meal was quite good.  The meat was hot, but the experience wasn't painful.  My wife is the Asian Martha Stewart.  I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola.  Sugary soft-drinks bring me great pleasure.  I'm not too worried about my health.  I just need another nineteen years.  Then I'm free to die of ass cancer.

I watched the latest episode of Penny Dreadful.  An uptight Englishman insults Miss Ives.  He threatens to let his dogs eat her.  So she uses the power of Satan to murder the scoundrel.  He's torn to shreds by his very own hounds.  To make matters worse, Victor's new female creation has mental problems.  She squeezes the life slowly out of an unsuspecting sexual partner during a bout of casual fornication.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty pagan.  I asked Jesus to heal one of my friends.  The poor guy caught pneumonia while undergoing an operation.  He's been in the hospital for the last seven days.  I hope he quickly recovers his health.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  Donald Trump's running for president.  He's a funny guy, and I suppose he's smart enough for the job.  But I can't handle his ego.  To me, Donald's nothing more than an idolater who worships the golden calf.  The only thing he seems to value is his own net worth.  The country would be far better off with Rand Paul, Bernie Sanders, or Elizabeth Warren.  The last thing we need is an oligarch in the White House.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  MERS is still plaguing the peninsula.  Three more people just died.  One of the victims was in his forties, so the virus isn't merely killing oldsters.  I worry for the health of my children.  If anything happened to them, I'd turn into a vegetable.  There's no rest in this sinful world.  If you aren't laid low by disease, then you might get blown up by a terrorist or eaten by a shark.  You can't win for losing.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Family Tradition by Hank Williams Jr.  God bless.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Tuesday

(Game of Thrones is finished till next year.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady prepared fish and rice for dinner.  It wasn't her best effort.  In fact, the fish tasted like rubber.  But I didn't complain.  I just smiled and ate my vittles with a smile on my lips and a song in my heart.  I'm wonderful that way.  I washed the meal down with several glasses of generic cola.  Sugary soft-drinks bring me much joy.

I watched the Game of Thrones season finale.  What can I say?  It's nothing short of brilliant.  Cersai's forced to march naked from prison back to the castle.  A woman with a bell follows behind her chanting the word shame over and over again.  Then the angry villagers start pelting the queen with pieces of shit from their chamber pots.  I kid you not.  To top things off, the Lord Commander is stabbed to death by his underlings.  The episode ends with Jon leaking lots of blood onto the snow-encrusted earth.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy misanthrope.  I thanked Jesus for giving me a peaceful heart.  I've accepted the fact that my children are a couple of dolts.  I no longer worry about math grades.  Let the dice fall where they may.  Their future's in His mighty hands.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I had a dream concerning David Letterman.  He was angry because I hadn't prepared properly for his show.  David cursed me up and down.  Then he told me that I wouldn't get another job in Hollywood.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  Jeb Bush is running for president.  The Five seem to love him.  Yet he fills me with nothing but dread and trepidation.  The Bush and Clinton families have done insufferable damage to my beloved nation over the last twenty-five years.  It's time for my countrymen to move away from yesterday's spoiled milk.  There are better alternatives out there.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  Two teenagers in North Carolina were bitten by sharks.  In fact, both lost arms during the attacks.  Thankfully, they're expected to survive.  I never go in the ocean.  Too many bad things can happen.  With my luck, I'll get swallowed by a whale.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Friends in Low Places by Garth Brooks.  God bless.

Monday, June 15, 2015

Monday

(Cain Velasquez got his ass kicked.)

Yesterday, I went to church.  The sermon was good.  It centered on God's grace and how we were fashioned in the Lord's image before the beginning of time.  The pastor told us not to become mindless consumers or capitalists.  

This message was quite ballsy.  Some of the people who attend his service are rich.  They tool around in foreign cars and live in the swanky part of town.  With that said, I try not to judge the wealthy too harshly.  I'm a broke dead dick, so my protests often sound like sour grapes.

I took the family to Burger King.  I ate a Whopper.  Plus I ordered French fries and onion rings.  I washed the vittles down with a huge glass of genuine Coca-Cola.  I'm a big fan of junk food.  All that starch and sugar send me straight to the moon.  I no longer care about my weight.  I just have to keep breathing for another nineteen years.  Then I'm free to die of ass cancer.

I watched the UFC.  The featured match between Cain Velasquez and Fabricio Werdum was magical.  They beat the living shit out of each other for nearly fifteen minutes.  The fight was a complete bloodbath.  Finally, Werdum caught his Mexican opponent in a savage choke-hold.  Velasquez had no choice but to tap out.  Now that's entertainment.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  Hillary Clinton is finally coming out of her shell.  She's pretending to be a friend of the working man.  I'm skeptical.  Bill Clinton did lots of damage to the United States when he deregulated Wall Street.  The Clintons are slaves to the billionaire class.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  The World Health Organization says that the MERS outbreak here on the peninsula is far from over.  According to the powers-that-be, Koreans simply go to the hospital too much.  Multiple visits to various doctors are spreading the virus at an alarming rate.  Great.  One more thing to worry about.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Mother by Danzig.  God bless. 

Sunday, June 14, 2015

Sunday


(Rachel Dolezel isn't black.)
 
Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served beef for dinner.  The meal was quite bland.  But I didn't complain.  I just smiled and ate my vittles like a good little automaton.  I'm wonderful that way.  The sun's always shining in my neck of the woods.  I washed the meat down with several glasses of generic cola.  I'm a huge fan of sugary soft-drinks.

I watched Aquarius.  David Duchovny plays a Los Angeles detective named Sam.  Sam's trying to rescue a young attractive female from the evil clutches of Charles Manson.  In the latest episode, Sam comes close to beating Manson to death.  His young partner pulls him away just before the final fatal blow is delivered.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy atheist.  I asked Jesus to save my son from technology.  The kid's addicted to all the modern gadgets.  He has an Ipod, an Ipad, a smartphone, a computer, a laptop, etc.  My boy shakes like a junkie when he doesn't get his daily fix.

I went to bed at 11 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  Rachel Dolezel works in Washington state for the NAACP.  In fact, she's the leader of that particular chapter.  Rachel's been passing as black for decades.  Her skin color garnered her a full four-year ride to Howard University.  It turns out that Ms. Dolezel is whiter than freshly fallen snow.  Go figure.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  Peacekeeping troops from the United Nations have been caught exchanging food for sex with the locals.  These crimes are taking place in some of the poorest countries in the world--such as Haiti and Liberia.  It doesn't get any lower than that.  We truly live in a world consumed by sin.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Keeping Up With the Jonesin' by Jamie Johnson.  God bless.

Friday, June 12, 2015

Friday

(Korean baseball rocks.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady went to Dunkin' Donuts.  She brought home a shitload of goodies in a cardboard box.  The meal was fantastic.  Sometimes, you gotta splurge.  I washed the pastries down with several glasses of generic cola.  The experience was heavenly.

I watched baseball on the tube.  The Samsung Lions hosted the Hanwha Eagles in the city of Daegu.  The Lions got drubbed yet again.  I believe the final result was 6 to 2.  In fact, the visiting Eagles swept the three game series.  I love Korean baseball more than the American major league.  I have no idea why.  Maybe it's because I can actually afford to see a game every now and then.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy pagan.  I asked Jesus to help my wife.  The poor lady's a complete loon.  She's always screaming about this and raging about that.  What she truly needs is some peace in her life.  Perhaps anger management classes would help.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  The Five discussed ISIS and the worsening situation in Iraq.  But I can't remember what the panel said.  Probably the same old, same old.  Those idiots tend to repeat themselves.  Iraq will eventually be divided into three sovereign nations.  There's no getting around it.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  The women's world cup is being played in Canada.  South Korea lost its opener to Brazil 2-1.  Marta scored a goal for the victors.  I have no idea who Marta is, but I guess she's bad ass.  The article gave her high praise.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Me and Julio by Paul Simon.  Enjoy. 

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Thursday

(Dorian Gray is dating a sodomite.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady prepared pork and French fries for dinner.  The meal was delicious.  I'm a huge fan of pork.  It tastes great, and it's a lot cheaper than beef.  I'm a broke dead dick, so affordability is a huge issue.  I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola.  The experience was heavenly.

I watched the latest episode of Penny Dreadful.  I've fallen in love with the series.  Dorian Gray is currently entranced by a sodomite who enjoys dressing up as a woman.  Mr. Gray throws an extravagant ball for his new partner.  But poor Miss Ives goes crazy in the middle of the dance floor.  She sees imaginary blood pouring from the ceiling and falls to the ground like a punch-drunk boxer.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty misanthrope.  I asked Jesus to cure my wife's anger problem.  The woman's consumed by rage.  Any little thing sets her off.  She's a tiny fragile female, so her abuse is much more mental than physical.  Yet her mood swings destroy the tranquility of my humble abode.  It's no fun living with a shrew.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  The Five discussed the turmoil in Iraq.  The panel isn't satisfied with American air support.  They also want U.S. troops to fight and die in that desert hell-hole. 

I agree with the war-hawks.  ISIS must be rooted-out and destroyed.  They represent an existential threat to the entire globe.  Can you imagine those loons with biological weapons?  No options should be taken off the table.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  Cleveland now holds a one game lead over Golden State.  Lebron James is on fire.  His performance in this year's finals might be the best in NBA history.  Good for him.  He seems like a real nice guy.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Angie by the Rolling Stones.  God bless.  

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Wednesday

(Mitch Talbot pitches for Hanwha.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady prepared spicy chicken sandwiches for dinner.  The meal was delicious.  It was hot.  But the meat didn't burn a hole through my tongue.  I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola.  Carbonated beverages bring me much joy.  The sugar sends me to the moon.

I watched baseball on the tube.  The Samsung Lions hosted the Hanwha Eagles in the city of Daegu.  The Eagles defeated Samsung 6 to 2.  The winning pitcher is named Mitch Talbot.  He used to play for the Cleveland Indians, but things didn't work out.  Now he lives in Daejeon and makes $600,000 a year.  That's great money.  Mitch is a fortunate man.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty pagan.  I asked Jesus to bring peace to my family.  That's a tall order.  My wife's an angry loon.  Last night, she screamed and screamed at James-uh for using his smart-phone too much.  The language she uses is atrocious.  The woman cusses like a sailor.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox news.  The Five discussed police brutality.  In Dallas, a black teenager in a bikini was forced to the ground by a white cop.  The officer then pulled his gun when her friends approached him aggressively.  African Americans hate the cops.  They show the men in blue zero respect and often end up in hot water.  That's why American prisons are filled to the brim with inner-city youth.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  Korea has a great high-speed railway system.  The locomotives reach 300 kilometers an hour.  A deer climbed onto the tracks and was splattered by one of the trains.  Damage was done to the high-precision machinery.  The powers-that-be will now put up fences to keep the animals away.

Anyway, it's time for the song-du-jour.  Here's My Sharona by The Knack.  God bless.   

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Tuesday

(Shireen gets burned to a crisp.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady prepared beef and rice for dinner.  The meal was quite bland.  Plus the meat was covered in a thin layer of grease.  But I didn't complain.  I just smiled and ate my vittles like a joyous dull child.  I'm wonderful that way.  The glass is always half-full at my humble abode.  I washed the food down with several glasses of generic cola.  Poor old Smith is a broke dead dick.  I can't afford the good stuff.

I watched Game of Thrones.  What a wonderful program.  Stannis and his army are bogged down by horrid weather.  The ground is frozen, and the snow is flying.  The Red Woman tells the would-be king to sacrifice his very own daughter to the Lord of Light.  So Stannis burns Shireen to death in front of her mother and his legions. The child screams in pain, but no one comes to her rescue.  She's literally reduced to ashes.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy nihilist.  I asked Jesus for guidance.  One of James-uh's teachers is complaining about his lack of effort.  This teacher wants me to inform his mother so that my child will change his evil ways.  Jesus told me to keep my mouth shut.  And I agree with The Savior wholeheartedly.  Why break the peace?

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I had a dream involving the movies.  I walked to the counter to buy some popcorn.  Sadly, there was none left.  I got angry and stormed back to my chair.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  Bruce Jenner's now a female.  He's on the cover of Vanity Fair.  Bruce looks attractive. If I were drunk and single, I might actually whistle as he passed me on the street.  But I don't think he actually wants to be a woman.  He's addicted to fame, and his transformation has garnered him a popular reality show.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  MERS is still dominating the headlines.  Four people have died so far.  However, the victims were suffering from old age and compromised immune systems.  For instance, one had severe asthma while another was battling COPD.  Nevertheless, the disease makes me nervous.  I'm an anxious father.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's What If by Creed.  God bless.

Monday, June 8, 2015

Monday

(Brian Ortega goes to war with Thiago Tavares.)

Yesterday, I went to church.  My pastor is very conservative. He has no patience for fornicators, drunkards, and homosexuals.  He says that we shouldn't even eat with them.  The Apostle Paul gives the exact same advice in 1st Cornithians chapter 5.  But I don't have the balls to point my grubby finger at other people.  I've got my own sins to deal with.

I took the family to Burger King.  I ate a Whopper and French fries.  I also enjoyed a pack of onion rings.  I washed the vittles down with a large glass of geniune Coca-Cola.  Talk about heaven.  I adore junk food.  All that sugar sends me straight to the moon. 

I watched the UFC.  The matches were spectacular.  The fight of the night featured Brian Ortega battling Thiago Tavares.  They beat the living shit out of each other for nearly fifteen minutes.  There was blood all over the mat.  In fact, both men had a hard time standing upright because they kept sliding here and there on each others' bodily fluids.  Finally, Ortega knocked the Brazilian cold with a wonderful flurry of vicious punches.  Now that's entertainment!

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surpise.  I'm not some filthy pagan.  I prayed that my eldest son James-uh would fight the urge to become a brainless dolt.  Jesus helped me once again.  I found the boy reading a novel later that evening.  Creepy.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  Hillary's sliding in the polls.  Nobody finds her trustworthy.  However, there's not a single republican in the race who can defeat her.  If Clinton crashes and burns, it'll be at the hands of a democrat.  

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  Barcelona won the Champions League.  Lionel Messi is the most famous athlete in the world.  He's certainly a dominant striker.  Saurez also performed brilliantly for the Spanish club.  The man's a complete loon, but he's a loon with oodles of talent.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's My Old School by Steely Dan.  God bless.      

Sunday, June 7, 2015

Sunday

(Texas Rising is a lot of fun.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served spicy pork and French fries for dinner.  The meat burned a hole in my mouth.  I tried to fight the pain with white rice and generic cola.  Nothing worked.  My wife knows that I can no longer handle spice.  However, she hates my guts, so torturing me brings her great pleasure.  Oh well.  What's a boy to do?

I watched Texas Rising.  It's a three part miniseries currently featured on The History Channel.  The cast is impressive.  Bill Paxton plays a hesitant Sam Houston who keeps getting his ass kicked by the Mexicans.  I had no idea that Santa Anna was such a sadist.  He takes no prisoners, shooting every Texan who falls into his diabolical hands.  I highly recommend the program.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty atheist.  I asked Jesus to cure my wife's demons.  Trust me.  That's a full-time job which only The Savior can perform.  There's not a human on earth capable of such a gargantuan task.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  A guy named Josh Duggar is in the headlines. He felt up his sisters back when he was fifteen.  His parents are Quiverfull Christians who have a reality show on TLC.  These folks are against birth control and public education.  They believe that home is the best place for book-learning and that women should be submissive to their husbands.  Sounds good to me.   

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  Steven King wrote a new novel called Finders Keepers.  The reviews are pretty damn good.  I love his old stuff.  Salem's Lot is one of my all-time favorites.  I also like The Shining and Needful Things.  But I'm more of a nonfiction guy these days.  True crime often floats my boat.

Anyway, it's time for the song of the day.  Here's Promised Land by Bruce Springsteen.  God bless.

Friday, June 5, 2015

Friday

(iZombie is good for a laugh.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady brought home yang-yum chicken for dinner.  Translation?  Fried poultry covered in super-hot yellow sauce.  The meal nearly burned a hole through my tongue.  I greedily drank an entire bottle of generic cola in order to numb the searing pain.  Asians love to cook with spice.  I'm usually OK with it.  Maybe poor old Smith's just getting old.

I watched iZombie.  It's about an attractive female doctor who eats brains to stay alive.  She then takes on the characteristics of the victims she consumes.  In the latest episode, the doctor eats the brains of a cheerleader and becomes all perky.  After that, she devours the brains of a stoner and gets a case of the munchies.  The program is actually funny.  However, I live in South Korea, so perhaps I'm starved for entertainment.  You tell me.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty pagan.  I asked the savior to stop my wife from behaving like a loon.  Believe it or not, my prayers have been answered.  We're getting along like gangbusters.  She's finally accepted the fact that her husband and children are dullards.  Praise Jesus.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  Rick Perry's running for president.  He has zero chance of getting the nomination.  The money dried up after he lost convincingly to Mitt Romney.  I can't even see Governor Perry breaking into the top five of republican hopefuls.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  The news is still centered around the MERS outbreak.  The government has quarantined over 1,600 people.  In many areas, hospital masks are completely sold out.  It won't be long till the citizens start to panic.  Koreans are an anxious people.  It doesn't take much to spook them.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Jesse's Girl by Rick Springfield.  God bless.

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Thursday

(Lee Seung-Yeop now has 400 home runs.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady prepared beef and rice for the dinner.  The meal was quite bland.  But I didn't complain.  I just smiled and ate my vittles like a dullard.  I'm wonderful that way.  After all, things could be much worse.  I'm just happy that I wasn't born in Djibouti.

I watched the Samsung Lions defeat the Lotte Giants on the tube.  The final score was 8 to 1.  The game featured an historic moment.  Lee Seung-yeop belted his 400th home run.  He's the only person in the Korea professional league to achieve that glorious milestone.  Mr. Lee makes $800,000 per year.  That's great money.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty nihilist.  I thanked Jesus for giving me patience.  For instance, I've come to peace with the fact that my eldest son's a dolt.  Don't get me wrong.  He's a great person, but Harvard simply isn't in his future.  So what's a daddy to do?  I'm certainly not going to jump out a window.  I just have to accept the truth and pick up the pieces.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  The Five discussed the younger generation.  They said that American youth are Godless and selfish.  I'm not sure if that's true.  They seem very sophisticated next to the average caveman.  Plus they have mad computer skills.  The Five are full of crap about a lot of things.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. MERS is breaking out all over South Korea.  I'm very scared.  Every day features brand new cases.  Some mothers aren't letting their children go outside.  Furthermore, the teeming masses insist on sporting hospital masks.  I feel like a character in a science fiction movie.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Heavy by Collective Soul.  God bless.

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Wednesday

(Jamie gets ass-raped.)

Yesterday, I ate pork and rice for dinner.  The meal was OK.  Nothing special.  But I just kept my mouth shut.  The Dragon Lady's a complete loon, and the last thing I want to do is make her angry.  She might cut off my food supply.  I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola.  Carbonated beverages bring me happiness.

I watched the final episode of Outlander.  It was rather grim.  Jack Randall spends the entire hour ass-raping Jamie Fraser.  No kidding.  Poor Jamie screams out desperately in pain as Jack thrusts and grunts in a beastly fashion.  I learned one important fact.  Anal sex isn't for pussies.  Talk about graphic.  I felt like I was locked inside a Turkish prison.  

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy atheist.  I asked Jesus to mend my broken heart.  My eldest son James-uh failed another algebra test.  His scores constantly go up and down.  I can't take it anymore.  So I've decided to wash my hands like Pilate.  When he gets older, he can join the air force.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  The Five discussed the second amendment. I completely support the right of American citizens to bear arms.  But I don't own a gun for fear that my wife might murder me.  She hates my guts.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  A young woman in Incheon was strangled by her boyfriend.  He stuffed her in a suitcase and dumped the corpse at a construction site.  The poor girl remained encased in concrete for over a month.  Her body is now badly decomposed.  Her parents are overwhelmed with grief.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Hell Hole by Spinal Tap.  God bless.         

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Tuesday

(Frankenstein's creation is a loser with the ladies--even the dead ones.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady prepared fish and rice for dinner.  The meal was absolutely horrible.  The fish tasted like rubber.  But I didn't complain.  I just smiled and ate my vittles with a smile on my face and a song in my heart.  I'm wonderful that way.  The glass is always half-full at my humble abode.

I watched the latest episode of Penny Dreadful.  The witches continue to torture the innocent with their fiendish voodoo dolls.  One woman is driven to suicide by means of a straight-razor across her fleshy throat.  And, to make matters worse, Dr. Frankenstein is having sexual relations with his female creation.  This season has been absolutely grotesque.  I'm loving every minute of it.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty misanthrope.  I asked Jesus to help my eldest son with his study habits.  My children are Asian, so naturally I assumed that they'd be wonderful at math.  I was wrong.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  The Patriot Act has expired.  Rand Paul wants to abolish it completely.  I agree with him.  I simply have no faith in the government.  We've already seen the IRS abuse their power not too long ago.  And those idiots are just paper-pushers.  Can you imagine the potential for corruption with the men-in-black over at the NSA?  The danger is off the charts.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  The queers are trying to have a gay-day celebration in Seoul.  However, the city government recently turned them down.  The ROK's a very conservative society.  The vast majority of the straight population wants to keep the homos in the closet.  I don't get involved.  Korea's not my country.  Why should whitey call the shots?

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Gimme Three Steps by Lynyrd Skynyrd.  God bless.         

Monday, June 1, 2015

Monday

(Carlos Condit is a beast.)

Yesterday, I took the family to Burger King.  I had a Whopper with French fries.  The meal was delicious.  I washed the vittles down with a large glass of genuine Coca-Cola.  I'm a huge fan of junk food.  I can barely squeeze into my pants, but that's fine with me.  I no longer care about looking good.

I watched the UFC--albeit with shame and remorse.  What can I tell you?  I simply love to witness grown men kicking the shit out of each  other.  The feature bout was Carlos Condit vs. Thiago Alves. Condit beat the poor Brazilian half to death.  Blood was everywhere.  The ref had to stop the match in the middle of the third round.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty atheist.  I prayed for a healthy relationship between my eldest son and his crazy mother.  Things are slowly getting better.  They got into a heated argument in the evening.  Nevertheless, I still have faith.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Meet the Press.  Chuck Todd interviewed Bernie Sanders.  It turns out that Mr. Sanders wrote pornography back in the early seventies.  His scribblings are very embarrassing to say the least.  The moral of the story?  If you write dirty stories, try not to get caught.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  The Korean government's cracking down on reckless drivers.  Law breakers can now be fined $5,000 dollars and spend a year in jail.  Driving on the peninsula is ridiculous.  Every morning I nearly get killed by pushy Asians tooling around in their Hyundai automobiles.  The nonsense has to end.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Pot by Tool.  God bless.