Sunday, May 31, 2015

Sunday

(Matt Dillon still looks terrific.)

Yesterday, I took the family to McDonald's.  I enjoyed a Big Mac and French fries while my kids ate Chicken McNuggets.  I washed the meal down with a genuine glass of Coca-Cola.  Talk about heaven.  I'm a huge fan of junk food.  I'll probably die soon.  But what do I care?  I could use the rest.
 
I watched a show called Wayward Pines.  It stars Matt Dillon as a secret service agent who is trapped in a small town.  The town is controlled by a sadistic sheriff.  This perverted lawman--for some strange reason--loves ice cream.  He's frequently chomping on cones and smacking his lips.  Wayward Pines is a weird program.  However, I'm starved for entertainment, so I'll see it through to the bitter end.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy nihilist.  I prayed for my wife.  The woman's a complete loon.  Her rage is insatiable.  In fact, she often embarrasses the children because she simply can't stop screaming.  I begged Jesus to cure her demons.  Trust me.  Poor Jesus has a lot on his plate.  Yet I'm confident that he's up to the job.

I went to bed at 11 p.m.  I dreamed about one of my old friends.  He wanted me to go drinking with him.  I told him no.  The guy was very disappointed.  He called me a sell-out to the man.

I woke up at 9 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  I watched an autobiography on Black Bart.  Bart hated Wells Fargo and spent a decade ripping off their wagons.  Sadly, the bankers eventually caught the guy.  He served nearly a decade in jail.  Wells Fargo sucked giant ass even back then.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  There are five new cases of MERS in Seoul.  I'm terrified of viruses.  I don't know why.  After all, my future is sealed.  It's my destiny to die of ass cancer.  I can feel it in my bones.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Moving In Stereo by The Cars.  God bless.

Friday, May 29, 2015

Friday

(Bear Grylls is the host of The Island.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady made pork and French fries for dinner.  The meal was good.  My family eats a lot of pig because beef is out of our price range.  I washed the meal down with several glasses of generic cola.  I'm quite the fat ass.  I keep popping out of my clothes.

I watched The Island.  I highly recommend the program.  It's a lot of fun.  The host of the show is Bear Grylls.  Most of you probably know him.  He's a survival specialist from Great Britain who's always wrestling alligators and jumping out of planes. Nevertheless, I think I could take him in a fist-fight.  For a portly old bastard, I have mad skills.  No kidding.

I paid homage to Christ.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy pagan.  I read the bible every day.  And there's one thing of which I'm certain.  Even scoundrels can be close to God.  Just look at the lives of Paul and Peter.  In spite of their flaws, Jesus adored them.  Take heart.  Christianity revolves around grace and repentance.  Supermen need not apply.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I dreamed about booze.  I was bar-hopping on Chimes Street in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.  I'm not sure if Chimes Street still exists.  I don't miss alcohol in the least.  However, I'd kill my mother for a cigarette.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  The Five discussed Hillary Clinton's campaign.  Eric Bolling called her a genius.  He says that her ability to escape numerous scandals is quite impressive.  I don't know my ass from my elbow.  Nevertheless, I just don't see Hillary getting the nomination.  She remains vulnerable.  Somebody will emerge to kick her sagging rump.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  The United States accidentally sent live anthrax to South Korea.  Twenty-two people remain under quarantine.  Fortunately, they aren't showing symptoms of the disease.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Rusty Cage by Johnny Cash.  God bless.

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Thursday

(The Penny Dreadful witches are pure evil.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady made beef and French fries for dinner.  The meal wasn't her best effort.  The fries were soggy.  But I didn't complain.  I just smiled and ate my vittles like the village dullard.  I'm wonderful that way.  I drank several glasses of generic cola.  Sugary soft-drinks bring me much happiness.

I watched the latest episode of Penny Dreadful.  The witches are still after Miss Ives.  They manage to steal a lock of her hair.  Their plan is to torture the poor woman with a voodoo doll.  I normally don't scare easily.  But Penny Dreadful's very graphic and disturbing.  You've been warned.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy pagan.  I asked Jesus to let me live for another nineteen years.  After that, he's free to kill me.  I want to give my sons a good start in life.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I dreamed about California.  I was walking toward Bakersfield.  I got lost in a forest.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  Rick Santorum is running for president.  Rick has no chance.  First of all, he's boring.  I'm tired of looking at his goofy sweaters.  The joke just isn't funny anymore.  Secondly, there aren't enough white men in America to vote him into office.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  Korean couples are getting divorced at an alarming rate.  I'm not shocked.  I've been married for sixteen years, and my Korean wife is sick and tired of looking at my ugly face.  If I were to die tonight, she'd dance with joy.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's Kid Charlemagne by Steely Dan.  God bless.             

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Wednesday

(Andy Van Hekken pitches for Nexen.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady made shrimp fried rice for dinner.  The meal was delicious.  Koreans cook with a lot of spice.  My tongue was on fire.  I drank several glasses of generic cola just to control the pain.  The Dragon Lady has oodles and oodles of talent.  She's the Asian Martha Stewart.

I watched baseball.  The Samsung Lions hosted the Nexen Heroes in Daegu.  Samsung won the game 4 to 0.  They're back in first place.  The losing pitcher for the heroes was Andy Van Hekken.  He used to play for the Detroit Tigers, but things didn't work out.  He currently makes $800,000 a year doing what he loves.  Talk about a lucky man.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty atheist.  I asked Jesus to let me live for another nineteen years.  I want to give both my children a good start in life.  It would be great if I could get them through college on my dime.  After that, I can die painfully of ass cancer for all I care.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  The Five complained about the liberal media.  They think that Hillary is getting too much support from the New York elites and the Hollywood millionaires.  Republicans are screwed.  There simply aren't enough white men in the USA to keep the party viable.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  There was an editorial calling American police a bunch of racists.  Let's be honest.  The black community has a lot of problems.  The illegitimacy rate is over 70 percent.  Nearly half the males never graduate from high school.  And they comprise the bulk of the prison population.  You can't blame all their misfortune on the man.

Anyway, it's time for the song du jour.  Here's No Excuses by Alice In Chains.  God bless.   

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Tuesday

(Game of Thrones just gets better and better.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady made beef soup for dinner.  The bowl was loaded with broth, rice, and translucent noodles.  I've been plagued with allergies for the last few days, and the meal helped relieve my suffering.  My wife's a talented woman.  She's the Asian Martha Stewart.

I watched Game of Thrones.  King's Landing is in the hands of religious fanatics.  These holy men are killing all the queers, prostitutes, and whore-mongers.  Even Queen Cersei can't escape their fervor.  She's now languishing in a dungeon awaiting her death on charges of incest.  Game of Thrones is first-rate drama.  I never miss an episode.

I paid homage to Christ.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty misanthrope.  The vast majority of atheists are terrified of God.  That's why they never pray.  The truth is easy to see.  If they invite Jesus into their lives, he'll come and kick them right in the nuts.  Then all their previous beliefs will quickly melt away.  Becoming a new creation is a scary notion.  Who needs the headache?

I went to bed at 11 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  The panel gave their advice to recent college graduates.  They told America's youth to take any job they could find.  They also said that complaining is for losers.  I have no wisdom to impart.  I'm a broke dead dick.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  The students at Ewha University are complaining about Chinese tourists.  Some even want the Chinese completely banned from the campus.  Koreans are very suspicious of foreigners--especially the ones who aren't white.  You should see the way they treat Indians, Africans, and Southeast Asians.  It would bring tears to your eyes.

Anyway, it's time for the song of the day.  Here's Thank You by Led Zeppelin.  God bless.

Monday, May 25, 2015

Monday

 (Chris Weidman is a bad ass.)

Yesterday, I walked five miles to church.  The local medical community claims that I'm morbidly obese.  So I do my best to keep in shape.  Unfortunately, I'm fighting a losing battle.  I fear my death is quickly approaching.  Oh well.  Might as well enjoy another piece of pie before it's too late.

The pastor's sermon focused on John 21.  This particular chapter is one of my favorites.  Jesus forgives Peter three times.  The number's highly symbolic.  The apostle denied Christ three times on the eve of the crucifixion.  But his terrible deed's been wiped clean.  After all, there's work to be done.  Pagan sinners are in desperate need of the Gospel.  Someone has to feed the sheep.  And Peter is the perfect man for the job.  Good stuff.

I went to McDonald's.  I ordered McNuggets and French fries.  The meal was delicious.  I love fast-food.  I washed the vittles down with a huge glass of genuine Coca-Cola. I was in heaven.  Carbonated beverages bring me much joy.

I watched UFC 187.  We get it for free in Korea.  Chris Weidman is one of my favorites.  He's a former All-American wrestler from the state of New York.  He beat the living crap out of Brazilian challenger Vitor Belfort.  The fight didn't even last one round.  There was blood all over the place. The UFC is far and away my favorite guilty pleasure.  The violence thrills me.  Should I be ashamed of myself?  Probably.  But what's a boy to do?

I slept at 1 a.m. and had a strange dream.  I viewed a Barbara Streisand film.  I joked about the ordeal with David Letterman.  I woke up at 9 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  There was an O'Reilly special concerning Jesse James.  Jesse had a crazy mother.  She turned him into an outlaw.  

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  The Golden State Warriors are dominating the Houston Rockets in their best of seven series.  Golden State will probably win the championship.  Cleveland's missing two of their three most talented players.  King James can't do it by himself.

Anyway, it's time for the song of the day.  Here's Emotional Rescue by the Rolling Stones.  God bless.

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Sunday

(Penny Dreadful is very disturbing.)
 
Yesterday, the Dragon Lady went to Homplus.  She bought a pizza for ten dollars.  It came in a large cardboard box.  The meal was delicious.  I'm a huge fan of junk-food.  I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola.  My lifestyle isn't healthy.  In fact, I'll probably be dead within the next ten years.  But what's a boy to do?

I watched Penny Dreadful.  It's a wonderful series--a true masterpiece of frights and delights.  Vanessa Ives is currently being hounded by evil witches.  These women are quite disturbing.  They even make voodoo dolls with the corpses of dead children.  Trust me.  It's enough to put you off your supper.  Yet I'm completely hooked on the show.  Penny Dreadful is so scary that you just might crap your pants.  You've been warned.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy atheist.  The idea that Jesus suffers with his flock gives me comfort.  Deism sucks.  I have no use for a god who is divorced from creation.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I had a dream about buying cigarettes.  Sadly, I couldn't find a place to smoke them.  So the pack remained unopened in my pocket.  It's been years since I enjoyed tobacco.  I can't say that I feel better.  In fact, I've put on a ton of weight.  Instead of dying of cancer, I'll probably just keel over from a massive stroke.

I woke up at 9 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  There was a Bill O'Reilly special about Billy the Kid.  Billy killed five men in his youth.  That's all I remember.  Perhaps I have Alzheimer's.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  Heather Cho was released from prison.  Miss Cho is famous for nut rage.  She's an executive at Korean Air.  Her daddy got her the job.  The ROK is rife with nepotism.

Anyway, it's time for the song of the day.  Here's Hope You're Feeling Better by Santana.  God bless.

Friday, May 22, 2015

Friday

(Dustin Nippert is the highest paid player in the KBO.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady prepared chicken sandwiches for dinner.  The meal was good.  She smothered the meat in spicy barbecue sauce and served it on hot dog buns.  I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola.  I'm a huge fan of carbonated beverages.  The bubbles bring me joy.

I watched the Samsung Lions defeat the Doosan Bears 6 to 1.  The pitcher for Doosan was Dustin Nippert.  Dustin used to pitch in America, but things didn't work out.  No matter.  He currently earns $1,500,000 a year, making him the highest paid player in Korea.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I had a dream about my oldest son James-uh.  I kept calling him a knucklehead.  I can't remember his sin.  Sadly, this nightmare is certainly not shocking.  That child doesn't have a lick of common sense.  He drives me bat-shit crazy in real life, and now he haunts my sleep as well.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I refuse to live like some filthy atheist.  My life is gradually winding down.  Even my bones are beginning to ache with age and weariness.  So a relationship with the Living God is a soothing balm.

I woke up and 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  The Five discussed a gruesome murder in Washington D.C.  The killer showed zero mercy.  He even butchered a young boy while the child's parents helplessly watched.  I'm against the death penalty.  But scum like this should be pushed off a cliff.  So let it be written, so let it be done.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  There have been three reported cases of MERS in Seoul.  MERS is a Middle Eastern strain of influenza which boasts a 40% kill rate.  Great.  Something else to worry about.  The drama never ends.

Anyway, it's time for the song of the day.  Here's What's This Life For by Creed.  God Bless.

Thursday, May 21, 2015

Thursday

(Alfredo Figaro pitches for Samsung.)

Yesterday, I ate apple pie for dinner.  The meal was delicious.  My wife bought the pie at Costco for thirteen dollars.  I washed it down with several glasses of generic cola.  I shouldn't splurge.  I'm officially classified as morbidly obese by the local medical community.  Sadly, Poor old Smith is living on borrowed time.  Oh well.  What's a boy to do?

I watched baseball.  The Samsung Lions defeated the Doosan Bears 25 to 6.  The winning pitcher was Alfredo Figaro.  He's from the Dominican Republic.  Mr. Figaro makes $600,000 a year.  That's great money.  I wish that I could throw a curve ball.  Baseball is great for stress.  I get lost in the sport.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  Nihilism doesn't float my boat.  I'm a Christian for selfish reasons.  Having a relationship with the Living God just makes me feel better.  Jesus is a bright beacon on a cold dark night.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I had a strange dream about my Oscar fish.  Bluce and I watched them devour many large gold fish with their razor-sharp teeth.  Scales were flying all over the fish tank, and the water was stained red with lots of blood.  Bluce laughed and laughed and laughed.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  The Five discussed Clinton's email scandal.  I'm not good at predicting political winners and losers.  However, I just can't see Hillary earning the nomination.  Even liberals despise her.  Elizabeth Warren will eventually throw her hat in the ring.  But what do I know?

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  Ryu Hyun-Jin is out for the season.  His departure is a huge blow to the Los Angeles Dodgers.  Ryu was a solid third in the starting rotation.  The Dodgers might very well be screwed in their race for the pennant.

Anyway, it's time for the song of the day.  Here's Hurdy Gurdy Man by Donovan.  God bless.   

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Wednesday

(Game of Thrones never fails to keep me entertained.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served the same old slop.  That's right.  Pork and rice.  The poor woman hates me.  And who can blame her?  We've been together for 16 years, and she's just sick and tired of looking at my ugly face.  I didn't complain.  I ate every last morsel, then washed the meal down with several glasses of generic cola.  I remain an optimist.  Things could be much worse.  At least I wasn't born in Chad.

I watched Game of Thrones.  Sansa Stark is brutally raped by Roose Bolton.  To add insult to injury, Theon Greyjoy is forced to watch the obscene spectacle from the corner of the bridal chamber.  I love Game of Thrones.  I've never missed an episode.  People often complain that the show has no sense of decorum.  But piss on all the puritanical nay-sayers.  Those righteous pilgrims should view the Disney Channel and leave the adults alone.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy nihilist.  I prayed for the continued good health of my family.  I try not to bother Jesus with crazy requests.  I've come to grips with the fact that the Children of the Rice will never make it into Harvard.  So what's a daddy to do?  Jump out a window?  I think not.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 8 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  The Five discussed the fall of Ramadi to ISIS.  They blamed the grim situation in Iraq on Obama.  I'm not a big supporter of this current president.  Never have been.  But he inherited this mess in the Middle East.  Iraq is now an Iranian puppet-state.  Plain and simple.  And it's our own damn fault.  We should have never removed Saddam from power.  I actually miss the crazy bastard.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  College graduates in Korea are having a difficult time finding employment.  Many are working in menial jobs to make ends meet.  There's a huge wage-gap on the peninsula.  The rich are getting richer while the poor fall deeper into economic oblivion.  This problem seems to be global.  I fear a gradual resurgence of Marxism.  But what do I know?

Anyway, it's time for the song of the day.  Here's Thank You by Led Zeppelin.  God bless.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Tuesday

(Biker scum commit murder in Texas.)
 
Yesterday, I had pork and rice for dinner.  The meal wasn't very good.  I'm not a big fan of rice.  But I didn't complain.  I just smiled and ate my vittles with a gleam in my eye and a song in my heart.  I'm wonderful that way.  I washed the food down with several glasses of generic cola.  Sadly, I'm far too poor to afford the good stuff.  Money doesn't grow on trees.

I tried watching Game of Thrones.  However, the Dragon Lady kept yelling at my unfortunate sons and spanking them with a wooden spoon.  She wants the boys to attend MIT or Harvard.  Many Asian mothers--true to their reputation--are completely bat-shit crazy.  In reality, my children are a couple of dullards.  They'd be lucky to get into clown college.  Don't get me wrong.  I still love them.  But why beat a dead horse?

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy misanthrope.  I do my best to love my neighbor as myself.  Jesus is a powerful universal force.  If you invite him into your life, he'll show up and kick you right in the nuts.  No fooling.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I had a dream about attending a wild amusement park in Florida.  My mother was there.  I had to cross a vast swimming pool on a tight rope.  I was hundreds of feet in the air and kept falling into the water.  Yet my brains didn't splatter all over the place.  I was having a great time.

I woke up at 5 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  Neil Cavuto told the nation's poor to flush their food stamps down the toilet and take responsibility for their shitty lives.  I find that the boys at Fox often demonize the have-nots.  Most people collecting benefits are working  their fingers to the bone just to make ends meet.  Cavuto should set his sights on his bloodsucking buddies who work on Wall Street.  They literally stole trillions of dollars right from our pockets.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Nine bikers were murdered at a restaurant in Waco, Texas.  I'm not surprised.  Bikers are bad news.  There's nothing cute or friendly about them.  Most are felons who'd gladly cut your throat for looking at them sideways.  It's best to give criminals a wide-birth.  If they come rolling into your favorite drinking establishment, pay the bill and leave.   

Anyway, it's time for the song of the day.  Here's Sweet Leaf by Black Sabbath.  Enjoy.   

Monday, May 18, 2015

Monday

(Frankie Edgar wins again.)

Yesterday, I took my family to a buffet.  We ate many plates of rice and raw fish.  We also had French fries, waffles, and egg rolls.  I washed the vittles down with several glasses of Coke.  The meal cost seventy dollars.  Living on the peninsula isn't cheap.  Food's actually quite expensive.

I watched the UFC.  Frankie Edgar won a decision over Uriah Faber in a five round bout.  The fight was a tad boring.  Both men respected each other so much so that they were a bit apprehensive about getting hit with counter-shots.  Consequently, they spent most of the match dancing around the ring.

I'm a big fan of the UFC.  Perhaps I'm white trash.  But I just can't get enough of the extreme violence that the organization offers a slob like me.  My favorite fighter is Jon Bones Jones.  However, he's facing a long suspension for hitting a pregnant woman with his car.  The poor girl broke her arm as a result of the accident.  Mr. Jones ran away on foot.  His next stop will be prison.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty nihilist.  I asked the Almighty to protect my two sons.  Sadly, both my boys are a couple of dullards.  They need all the supernatural help they can get.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 5:45 a.m.  I drank coffee and turned on Fox News.  Chris Wallace grilled Mark Rubio.  Senator Rubio claimed that the Iraq war wasn't a mistake.  What a tool.  I'm voting for Elizabeth Warren.  I'm not a liberal.  But desperate times call for desperate measures.  At least she hates Wall Street.

I read the paper while taking a bathroom break.  The homosexual community in Seoul is having a parade to promote LGBT awareness.  Many conservative Korean churches are up in arms.  They want the queens to get back in the closet.  My opinion?  Give the fags a break.  They have the right to enjoy their lives, too.

Anyway,  it's time for the song of the day.  Here's God Will Cut You Down by Johnny Cash.  Enjoy.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Sunday

 (Yoon Sung-Hwan is considered Samsung's ace.)

Yesterday, I had sweet and sour pork for dinner.  The meal wasn't one of the Dragon Lady's best efforts.  But I didn't complain.  I just smiled and ate my vittles like a good-natured retarded child.  Poor old Smith is wonderful that way.  The glass is always half-full at my humble abode.  I washed the meal down with several glasses of generic cola.  I'm a big fan of sugary soft-drinks.

I watched the Samsung Lions host the NC Dinos.  The pitcher for Samsung was a man named Yoon Sung-Hwan.  Many consider Yoon to be the ace of the squad.  He makes nearly $800,000 a year.  That's great money.  The Lions were defeated 9 to 7However, the team remains near the top of the standings.  They've won the championship four years running.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  After all, I'm not some filthy atheist.  But I'm old.  Kneeling is getting harder and harder.  Soon, I won't be able to get up.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I had a strange dream about Ross Perot.  I was in the Marine Corp, and he was my drill instructor.  I passed his inspection with flying colors.  He was very impressed with my military bearing and gave me a hardy pat on the back.

I awoke at 8 a.m. and turned on Fox News.  Scott Walker is leading in Iowa.  I hope that Elizabeth Warren runs.  She's the only potential candidate who detests Wall Street as much as me.  The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break.  A box full of human bones was found in an attic in the city of Incheon.  The police do not suspect foul play. The remains are being used for science and were merely misplaced.

It's currently 5:20 p.m.  Let's enjoy the song of the day.  Here's Creeping Death by Metallica.  So long for now, and God bless you all.