(I'm no Tim Olyphant.)
Yesterday, the Dragon Lady made beef and French fries for dinner. It wasn't her best effort. In fact, the meal completely sucked ass. But I didn't complain. I just smiled and ate my vittles. I'm wonderful that way. Poor old Smith's a true optimist. Some have even described me as a breath of fresh air. And who am I to disagree?
I downloaded several episodes of Justified. I'm a big fan of Tim Olyphant. We're the same age. Sadly, that's all we have in common. He's handsome and covered with muscles. Smith, on the other hand, is a pasty, doughy, toothless hillbilly. Life's not fair. Yet things could be far worse. For instance, I'm thankful that I wasn't born in the Republic of Chad. Those poor bastards are royally screwed.
I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I refuse to babble like a deluded pagan. I begged Jesus to turn James-uh into a better student. I'm tired of listening to his mother bitch all the time about his terrible study habits.
I went to bed at 2 a.m. I had a strange nightmare. A beautiful actress took a giant shit on a bed. Everybody complained about the smell. The crew wanted me to clean up the mess. But I refused. I was promptly fired from the job.
I woke up at 8 a.m. and drank several cups of coffee. Then I read the newspaper while enjoying a bathroom break. Baseball is becoming very popular in the ROK. The country has its own professional league. So far, over one million fans have attended the games this season. This high attendance is breaking all kinds of records. I've never been. Perhaps I should take James-uh. He could use a break from algebra.
I turned on Fox News. The owner of the Los Angeles Clippers is a racist. His attractive young girlfriend dropped a dime on him. She recorded a private phone conversation and handed the tape to the press. What a worthless slut. I say a lot of stuff that could get me in trouble. It's important to find a woman you can trust.
Anyway, it's time for the song du jour. Here's Angie by The Rolling Stones. God bless.