Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Tuesday

(Ragnar is a naughty viking.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served spicy pork and French fries for dinner.  The food was too hot.  Don't get me wrong.  I love a good tingling sensation.  But this meal was downright painful.  It burned going in, and it burned coming out.

Psycho Jim didn't study Korean.  Nor did he study math.  The Dragon Lady's concerned about his stress level.  Shooting that fire extinguisher is the smartest thing he's ever done.  In fact, his mother's so worried about his mental health that she doesn't make him do a darn thing.  That boy knows how to play the system.  I guess he'll marry a welfare queen and move into a trailer.

I watched another episode of Vikings.  Ragnar's fooling around on his wife.  He gets another woman pregnant.  Unfortunately, his young son witnesses his father's sinful ways.  The poor kid is very distraught about the whole situation.  It's Death of a Salesman set in medieval times.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Our Father on bended knees.  I was a little sad.  My fat buddy Dave is returning to the United States.  His plane is departing from Inchon in anther hour or so.  Dave's health is giving him trouble.  So he's throwing in the towel.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I had a hard time getting to sleep.  My allergies are killing me.  The peninsula has exploded with pollen.  Plus the yellow dust from the Gobi Desert has started to creep into the air.  My head is drowning in snot.

I woke up at 6 a.m.  I read the paper.  A doctor is Seoul strangled his pregnant wife.  He left her corpse in the bathtub.  The judge gave him twenty years in prison.

I turned on Fox News.  Charles Payne wants to investigate Americans on food stamps.  Notice how these crony capitalists never bring up corporate welfare?  Demonize the poor.  That's the name of the game.

Anyway, it's nearly 4 p.m.  I'm knackered.

Talk to you later.  God bless.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Saturday

(The Muslims will eventually kill us all.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served pork and French fries for dinner.  Pork is a Smith family staple.  We'd never make it as Orthodox Jews.  Islam is also out of the question.  Fine by me.  Being a Semite is far too stressful.  Plus I've never enjoyed a desert climate.  Dry air saps my strength.

My wife's mother came to visit.  I call her the Queen Elephant.  She's a powerhouse.  Everyone is worried about Jim and the fire extinguisher.  The family believes he should see a head doctor.  Perhaps I'm a daddy in denial.  But my kid just doesn't have the kind of balls it takes to commit that type of vandalism.  No kidding.

I watched Breaking Bad.  I've seen the series a million times.  Yet the story of Walt the psychopathic meth dealer never fails to entertain me.  The program is my all-time favorite.  Watching a mild-mannered gentleman turn into a cold-blooded murderer is enthralling.  Hard-edged drama floats Smith's boat.

I prayed to Christ.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  And why not?  Mankind needs God.  Without Him, we're nothing more than greedy killing machines. 

I went to be at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 7 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  Ryu Hyunjin had a great outing against the New York Mets.  He's the real deal.  However, the chubby pitcher should stay away from the beer and the cigarettes.

I turned on Fox News.  Bill O'Reilly is angry that the Boston bombers are being humanized by the media.  I'm not in America, so I have no idea what's going on.  But I will tell you this.  Radical Islam will one day kill us all.  Wait till the rag-heads get their hands on weaponized smallpox.  We'll be murdered in our beds.

Anyway, it's nearly four p.m.  I'm knackered.  Plus my allergies are acting up.

Talk to you later.  God bless.

Friday, April 26, 2013

Friday

(The Children of the Rice love Psy.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served chili for dinner.  The meal wasn't very tasty.  It came from a can.  But I didn't complain.  I just smiled and ate my vittles.  I'm wonderful that way.

My son didn't go to math class.  He's been expelled from his academy.  I no longer care.  Jim and I aren't very bright.  Dolphins could score higher on an algebra test.  We're a couple of morons.

I watched the second episode of The Bates Motel.  Norman has a handsome brother who's a disturbed troublemaker.  He probably sucks at algebra, too.  Norman also has a girlfriend with cystic fibrosis.  The series is quite good.  The characters are intriguing.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Our Father on bended knees.  Jesus instructs us how to pray.  He's very good at removing burdens.

I went to bed at 9 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  Psy is flying to New York to promote his new single Gentleman.  My kids love the chubby singer.  They dance to his songs.

I turned on Fox News.  The Syrians are now using chemical weapons.  Looks like the United States will soon be embroiled in yet another war.  All the global defense contractors must be jumping up and down for joy.

It's currently 2 p.m.  Poor old Smith is knackered.  I desperately need a siesta.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Thursday

(I can't handle the truth.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served pork and egg rolls for dinner.  The sauce she used to smother the meat was filled with spice and peanuts.  Talk about delicious.  It was so strong that I felt like someone was stabbing my tongue with an ice-pick.  I love hot stuff.

Jim studied the fiendish Korean language with his mother.  He was on his best behavior.  She's still pretty pissed that he got expelled from his math academy.  But my wife is handling the situation better than me.  I'm baffled.  My kid isn't an aggressive boy.  I'm not getting the full story.

Asians are the best liars in the world.  No kidding.  And Jim has mastered the art of the half-truth from his relatives.  Being in the dark is for the birds.  I'm one of those idiots who demands the truth.

I downloaded six episodes of The Bates Motel.  The series is another winner.  It comes with the Smith Seal of Approval.  What the hell happened?  American television is now an art form.  Who would've ever guessed that such a wonderful renaissance would occur?  Not me.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  Jesus tells us not to feel stress.  He says worrying won't add another minute to our lives.  He's absolutely right.  But stress just comes so naturally to us all.  A life without worry must be truly wonderful.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  A lawmaker in Korea wants jail time for homosexuals.  The peninsula is very homophobic.  Being gay isn't easy in northeast Asia.  This is an extremely conservative part of the world.

I turned on Fox News.  The eldest Boston bomber used to collect welfare and food stamps.  It's legal for asylum seekers to get government benefits.  Cubans also qualify.

I feel a little sad.  I'm getting fat.  I can no longer squeeze into a size 36...in spite of all my exercise.  I'm currently 210 pounds.  Yes.  Smith is officially a disgusting fat body.  Oh well.  What's a boy to do?

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Wednesday

(The Big Bang Theory is good for a laugh.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served more cow bone soup for dinner.  The meal sucked ass.  But I didn't complain.  I just smiled and ate my vittles.  I'm wonderful that way.

Jim got expelled from his math academy.  No kidding.  He shot off a fire extinguisher in one of the empty rooms.  The place was covered in gray foam by the time he got through.  The man who owns the school no longer wants to teach him.

I was very angry.  I threatened to punch Jim in the nose.  For a twelve-year-old boy to commit that type of vandalism is a very ballsy move.  I wish he were more timid.  Perhaps he'll start a new Asian crime family and have me whacked for poking my bony fingers in his face.

I watched The Big Bang Theory.  I was too upset to view drama.  My favorite character is Sheldon.  He's an obsessive-compulsive theoretical physicist at Cal Tech University.  Sheldon is smarter than a dolphin--which is more than you can say for me.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I prayed for forgiveness.  Makes sense.  I had just threatened to break my eldest son's nose.  Ain't there a law against such behavior?

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 5 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  Manchester United won another championship.  I'm American.  I don't know much about soccer.  The game bores the shit out of me.

I turned on Fox News.  The Boston bombers are still being discussed.  The big question now is from whom did the brothers receive their training?  Mark my words.  Radical Islam will eventually kill us all.  I'd like nothing better than to say I told you so.  But unfortunately I'll be dead.  Lucky you.  

It's almost 5 p.m.  Poor old Smith is knackered.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Tuesday

(I'm dumber than a dolphin.)

Yesterday, I had strange Korean soup for dinner.  The main ingredient was the leg of a cow.  My vittles also came with rice and translucent noodles.  I didn't enjoy the meal.  The stew was just a little too ethnic for my taste.  But I kept my mouth shut.  

The Dragon Lady slaved and slaved to make that crap.  It literally took 24 hours to cook.  So what's a husband to do?  I ate as much as I could with a stupid-looking grin on my face.  I try not to complain.  Poor old Smith has a wonderful attitude.

My wife told me that the average IQ of a dolphin is 80.  I grew depressed.  My IQ is only 120. Perhaps I should be swimming in a tank at Sea World waiting for teenagers to throw me fish.

Jim studied Korean.  He didn't listen to a word his mother said.  But I kept my cool.  I feel sorry for Jim.  His father's as dumb as a freaking fish.  The poor child is screwed.  Sadly, the acorn doesn't fall far from the tree.

I watched Vikings.  This week's episode features lots and lots of human sacrifice.  No kidding.  Watching men being ritually murdered freaks me out.  Nevertheless, I highly recommend the series.  Vikings is unforgettable.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  And why not?  Being a dirty nihilist isn't any fun.  Smith needs a code.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  

A seventy-year-old gentleman in Seoul kissed two elementary school girls on the cheek.  Then he told them that he loved them.  The police nailed the old bastard with a six thousand dollar fine.  Serves him right.  Keep your lips off the kiddies unless they're your grandchildren.

I turned on Fox News.  The Boston bombers are still capturing the headlines.  The youngest brother is alive.  He'll be tried in a federal court and given the death penalty.  

I'm against capital punishment--even for dirty Muslim terrorists.  Rough justice is an evolutionary hangover.  Plus the sinners aren't afforded the proper time required to repent for their misdeeds.

Remember this, my friends.  Moses, King David, and Saint Paul have one thing in common.  They're murderers who atoned for their crimes.  The Lord loves us all--even the bloodstained.  

It's almost five p.m.  I'm knackered.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Sunday

(Bacon and eggs!  I'll give you bacon and eggs!)

Yesterday, I had a strong hankering for egg rolls.  So the Dragon Lady gave me bacon and eggs instead.  She often plays little tricks in order to spite her husband.  Life is a power struggle on every level.

But I didn't take the bait.  I just smiled and ate my vittles like a true gentleman.  I'm wonderful that way.  Sometimes I envy serial killers.  It must feel great to administer twisted psychopathic justice without feeling overwhelming guilt.

This is how I imagine it:

"Bacon and eggs!  I'll give you bacon and eggs!  Now bring me my egg rolls before I use that skillet to bash your brains in!"

This is what actually happens:

"Bacon and eggs?"

Stern look from wife.

"Boy, the meal  looks delicious."  Big toothy smile.  "Thank you so much.  I'm lucky to have you in my life."

I held a Vikings marathon.  I downloaded all seven episodes.  Then I watched them consecutively.  The series is fascinating.  The primitive Nordic men remind me of a modern day criminal motorcycle gang.  The strong survive and the weak are sacrificed.  Yes.  Social Darwinism at its smelliest.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  Jesus was beaten half to death.  Then the Roman and Jewish powers-that-be nailed him to a cross.  He rose three days later.  So I try my best to do what he tells me.

I went to bed at 2 a.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 11 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper. 

Some Koreans believe that they will face terrorism in the future. The attacks won't come from the north.  Rather the violence will be a product of alienated multicultural children.  No kidding.

The article is shocking.  But I'm not offended.  Koreans are extremely xenophobic and often swim in a sea of ignorance.  Why let their stupidity weigh on my overly sensitive girly heart?

I turned on Fox News.  Ann Coulter thinks the surviving Boston bomber should be tried by a military court.  I don't understand her thinking.  I'm completely convinced that many far-right conservatives want to live in a police state.

It's one p.m.  Time for church.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless. 

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Saturday

(Mads Mikkelson is the new Hannibal.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady made spicy pork and egg rolls for dinner.  The meal was delicious.  The meat was flaming hot.  Plus the egg rolls came as a pleasant surprise.  My wife doesn't serve them much these days.

Jim was in a good mood.  His school took him on a field trip.  He spent the day walking around some museum.  Then he flew a kite at a local park.

Bluce enjoyed the PlayStation.  He's still enthralled with college football.  The kid is quite talented.  He defeated Auburn to win the SEC crown. 

Bluce is only five.  I'm hoping med school is in his future.  My family is in desperate need of a doctor.

I watched Hannibal.  Talk about outstanding.  Mads Mikkelson is the lead actor.  His accent is creepy.  His face is creepy.  His posture is creepy.  His wardrobe is creepy.  Even his strange name is creepy.  Mads is just an all around spooky guy.  He's perfect for the part.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  After all, I'm not some filthy atheist.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  Korean protestants are blocking gay marriage.  The peninsula is very conservative.  Even pornography is outlawed.

I turned on Fox News.  The Boston bombers have been brought to justice.  One is dead while the other is in serious condition at a local hospital.  They're both followers of Islam.  What a shocker.

I didn't exercise today.  It's pissing rain.  I'm freezing.  What I need is a hot cup of tea.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Friday

(Vikings:  Floki is quite the savage.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served pork ribs for dinner.  They were smothered in barbecue sauce.  The meal was tasty.  I like barbecue sauce.  Good food brings a smile to my face.

My youngest son Bluce is very smart.  He set up the Sony PlayStation.  Then he beat the Georgia Bulldogs in college football.  Bluce has his own team.  He made the stadium himself.

Jim lied to his mother.  The boy needed a break from practicing the fiendish Korean tongue.  So he told her he had to study for a science test.  She knew he was lying.  But she let it go.  I'm afraid that woman is becoming soft.  She'll have to toughen up.  I want Jim to attend med school.

I watched Vikings.  Floki is my favorite character.  He enjoys murdering innocent people in order to enrich himself and his friends.  I'd have never made it as a viking.  I'm too much of a pussy.  Fighting is for the birds.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  And why not?  Jesus protects weaklings like me from predators like Floki.  No kidding.  Think about it.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 5:30 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  A man in Seoul got caught stealing from several of his neighbors.  He sold their stuff in order to pay for plastic surgery.  He's ashamed of his overbite.

I turned on Fox News.  The feds released a video of their two prime suspects.  FBI stands for Freaking Ball-breaking Idiots.  Remember Richard Jewel?  How about Ruby Ridge?  Take everything you hear with a grain of salt.  Those clowns seldom get anything right.

It's almost two p.m.  I'm knackered.  Perhaps I need some pumpkin pie.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Thursday

(Explosion in Waco.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served Hormel chili for dinner.  The meal wasn't very tasty.  In fact, it came from a can.  But I didn't complain.  I just smiled and ate my vittles.  I'm wonderful that way.

Jim studied the fiendish Korean tongue with his mother.  She forces him to read the language for an hour a day.  Then they review comprehension questions together.  He must have done a great job.  He didn't receive his usual beating at her beastly hands.  Good for him.

I watched Supernatural.  I enjoy the series.  But I must tell the truth.  Season eight just isn't doing it for me.  Perhaps my expectations are too high.  Bennie the vampire is a dud.  It's time for Sam to cut his head off already.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  Why babble like a pagan?  Keep it short, to the point, and private.  Those instructions come straight from the mouth of Jesus himself.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  A man in Seoul was arrested for murder.  He killed his wife's lover with an air gun.  He had to shoot the victim four times before the poor bastard surrendered the ghost.  What a shitty way to die.  Real painful.

I turned on Fox News.  A fertilizer factory outside of Waco, Texas blew up.  Dozens of people might be dead.  The explosion is suspicious.  April 20th marks the anniversary of the FBI's major screw up which sent scores of innocent women and children to their premature graves.  How those men can sleep at night is beyond me.

It's  4:30 p.m.  Poor old Smith is knackered.  I might go for a walk to get rid of some stress.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless. 

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Wednesday

(Jeremy Irons has a lot of talent.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served spicy pork and rice for dinner.  The meal was good.  The meat burned a hole right through my tongue.  I actually thought the pain would never go away.  Wow.  I love hot stuff.

I watched The Borgias.  The series is a Showtime production featuring Jeremy Irons.  He stars as the pope.  Irons is a great actor.  He's lost none of his chops.

Jim studied math for three hours at his academy.  Then he practiced the fiendish Korean tongue with his mother.  He did great.  Consequently, my wife wasn't forced to beat him with the Spoon of Justice.  The boy compliantly did as he was told...similar to a Nazi.  Perhaps we're raising a future fascist dictator.  Oh well.  A job's a job.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  The bible is a strange spooky tome.  The coming of Jesus is predicted way back in Genesis 3.  His crucifixion is foreshadowed in Psalm 22--a thousand years before the actual event.  How's that for eerie?

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  A businessman got fined 60 thousand dollars for opening a lingerie bar in Seoul.  The peninsula is very conservative and sexually repressed.  Even porno is outlawed.  That's why prostitution has been thriving here for thousands of years.  Paying to get one's rocks off is very common.

I turned on Fox News.  The FBI is still hunting for the Boston bomber.  I bet it's a Pakistani with a green card.  He probably found out that one of his relatives got blown to bits in a drone strike.  Now he wants payback.  This war against terror will end up killing us all.  Mark my words.

It's almost 5 p.m.  I'm chewing on a pencil and writing in this stupid blog.  Poor old Smith is knackered.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Tuesday

(John the Baptist:  God's will is God's will.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served beef and French fries for dinner.  She prepared the meal in our magnificent Phillips air-fryer.  Cooking with hot air produces very little grease.  I guess that's healthy.  I really don't know.

Jim studied the fiendish Korean tongue with his mother.  He's a brilliant speaker.  But his reading and writing skills are still sub-par.  She gave him several stiff whacks with the Spoon of Justice. Jim hates to study.  So my wife must beat the love of education into the boy on a nightly basis.  Good for her.  Knowledge is power.

I watched Game of Thrones.  Episode three is fantastic.  Jamie gets his hand cut off by a group of brigands.  They sever his appendage with a long nasty-looking blade.  Good stuff.

I paid homage to Christ.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  Remember this, my friends.  God's will is God's will.  It can't be stopped.  Herod thought he could change history by beheading John the Baptist.  And we all know how that turned out.  My humble advice?  Get with the program.  Repent.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  The Korean government is keeping a close eye on foreign sex offenders.  The peninsula is very xenophobic.  Most of us foreigners are as clean as the newly fallen snow.  They'd be better served observing domestic sex offenders.

I switched on Fox News.  There was a terrorist attack in Boston.  So far, three people--including an eight-year-old boy--have been killed.  Countless others are injured.  Muslims!  Those towel-headed camel-jockeys will be the death of us all.  Wait till they get their hands on weaponized smallpox.  I don't even want to think about it.

It's almost four p.m.  I'm knackered.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless. 

Monday, April 15, 2013

Monday

(Benny's OK.  But I still miss Dick.)

Yesterday, I took the family to church.  The driving was crazy.  I said the f-word on several occasions.  I'm quite ashamed of my limited vocabulary.  Poor old Smith is lewd and crude.

Perhaps I'm a racist.  But Asians don't belong behind the wheel.  Their cars should immediately be confiscated and replaced with gentle elderly ponies.  So let it be written, so let it be done.

The pastor did a wonderful job.  He's an intellectual from Yale.  We're still studying Exodus.  Pharaoh tries to compromise with God.  He refuses to completely obey and humble himself before the commands of the Lord. 

I'm the same way.  I often render half a loaf to the Almighty instead of giving my full effort.  I need to become a better human being.  However, I'm not holding my breath.  My demons have demons.

I watched Supernatural.  The boys are now hanging out with a vampire named Benny.  I enjoy the series.  But I still miss Dick.  He was such a great villain.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Our Father on bended knees.  I refuse to babble like a pagan.

I went to bed at 11 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  More single women are leaving their newborns at churches and hospitals.  Unmarried mothers are severely ostracized here on the peninsula.

I turned on Meet the Press.  Mark Rubio was the guest.  He has a new immigration plan.  I felt sleepy.  I didn't listen intently to the interview.

It's almost 8 p.m.  I'm tired.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless. 

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Sunday

(We are no longer slaves to sin.)

Yesterday, I didn't eat dinner.  I loaded up on junk food instead.  I enjoyed peanuts and pretzels and ice cream.  I washed it all down with Dr. Pepper

My favorite ice cream is called Goo-Goo.  The brand isn't sold in America.  Too bad.  It's very tasty.

I watched Criminal Minds.  The series is both sick and disturbing.  The latest episode features a freak who hates the hypocrites in his hometown.  So he shoots them in the chest and cuts their heads off with a saw.  Then he places his victims' severed coconuts in a trophy case located at city hall. 

Jim didn't study.  His mother's giving him a brief vacation.  Perhaps her arm is tired from all that corporal punishment.  The Spoon of Justice can only be wielded by a woman with a strong hand.  The poor girl needs her rest.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Our Father on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm just a weak slave to sin.  And Jesus holds the key to release me from my chains.  Hosanna.

I went to bed at 1 a.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 8 a.m.  I called my mother.  Today's her birthday.  She's 66-years-old. 

The old lady complains too much.  She's angry that nobody gave her a present.  But I'm her gift.  How many women are lucky enough to have a son like me?  I'm one in a million.  Talk about fortunate.

I drank coffee and read the paper.  A Korean prosecutor was sentenced to two years in prison.  He got caught trading legal favors for sex.  Even the well-educated often act stupid.  You'd think they'd know better.

I turned on Fox News.  Huckabee condemned Obama care.  Not that it matters.  Socialized medicine will eventually become the norm.  Too many people can't afford insurance.

Anyway, talk to you tomorrow.  God bless.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Saturday

(Jane Fonda:  Still pissing people off after all these years.)

Yesterday, I drove to a mountain.  I did my best to climb to the peak.  But I just couldn't make it.  My failure was quite humiliating.  Women and teenagers were flying by me left and right. 

Here's the sad truth.  I'm just an ugly weak dirty old bastard.  Oh well.  What's a boy to do? 

I might quit exercising all together.  I can no longer see the point.  I'm going to die anyway.  Perhaps I should start smoking again.  Might as well go out with a smile on my face.

I took my family to a Korean beef restaurant.  The meal was quite tasty.  But my head was pounding so badly that I feared I was having a stroke.  No kidding.

The Dragon Lady said, "We not rike dis lestaulant.  We want da Burga King."

I said, "Don't worry.  Soon I'll be dead.  Then you can go wherever you please."

I wanted to watch television.  However, I was just too exhausted.  So I paid homage to the Christ God instead.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  I'm not some misguided pagan.

I went to bed at 8 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.

A 16-year-old boy in Inchon tried to rape a 12-year-old elementary school student.  She resisted his advances.  So he strangled the girl and buried her corpse in a rice field.

I turned on Fox News.  Conservatives are outraged.  Jane Fonda is starring in a new movie.  She's playing First Lady Nancy Reagan.  Personally, I don't give a flying freak.  Ho hum.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.   

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Thursday




Good citizens of Metropolis,

I'll be out of town for the next couple of days.  But have no fear.  I shall return.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Wednesday

(I'm just not tough enough to be a viking.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served beef and French fries for dinner.  I love starch.  So I'm a huge fan of potatoes.  Salty French fries are the food of love.  We cooked them in the Phillips air-fryer.  There wasn't any grease to be found.

I played video games.  The Children of the Rice are showing me the ropes.  Those two can play for hours.  My favorite is college football.  It looks completely real.  The teams even have cheerleaders.  Wow.

I watched Vikings.  Talk about a great series.  I'm very fortunate to live in modern times. Decapitating the neighbors just isn't my idea of a good time.  Plus poor old Smith is a giant pussy.  Those boys could snap my neck like a twig.

Jim studied Korean for an hour with his mother.  He kept complaining.  That boy never keeps his mouth shut.  Unfortunately, the Dragon Lady was far too tired to give him a proper beating.  I fear he shall never be accepted to Harvard.

I paid homage to Christ.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  The crucifixion is quite symbolic.  God addresses the mystery of suffering.  He's aware of our plight.  That's why he came and suffered with us.  He wore our clothes.  He lived in our backwaters.  He experienced our physical and mental pain.  Great stuff.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  The North Koreans are supposed to fire a missile today.  So far, it hasn't happened.  

I turned on Fox News.  Louisville won the national championship.  I used to love college basketball when I was a kid.  Now I just catch the scores on the internet.  I really don't miss March Madness all that much.

Anyway, I've shot my load.  My mind is blank.

I'll talk to you tomorrow.  God bless.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Tuesday

(Life isn't the same without Dick.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served pork and French fries for dinner.  The meal was fantastic.  She cooked the vittles in our wonderful Phillips air-fryer.  That machine was sent from heaven.  Technology has finally enriched my life.

Jim flat out refused to study.  His mother beat him brutally with the Spoon of Justice.  She might seem cruel.  But the Dragon Lady is Asian.  Children are expected to crack the books for hours and hours on end.  We only ask for sixty minutes.  Yet he constantly pitches a fit, so he gets spooned.  Oh well.

I watched Supernatural.  Life isn't the same without Dick.  He made season seven an absolute pleasure.  Sadly, his absence has created a large hole in my television enjoyment.  I never thought I'd say this.  But I need Dick.

I paid homage to Christ.  I said the Our Father on bended knees.  I refuse to bow at the altar of man.  Someone left a comment on this blog claiming that Jesus is human.  Yes and no.  Jesus is God in human form.  He came to suffer and sacrifice for us.  His crucifixion was a strong statement.  It's a method of execution reserved for the lowest of the low. The Lord serves all his children.  None are excluded.

I went to sleep at 10 p.m.  I had a strange dream.  I was in bed with two females.  One of them proceeded to take a crap on the sheets.  And it wasn't a normal bowel movement.  She left a large steaming pile of feces for my wife to clean up.  Then the culprit walked into the bathroom and began weeping.  Later I caught her on the sofa with my dead father.  I need to start drinking again.

I woke up at 6 a.m.  I read the paper.  Hyun Jin Ryu won his first game with the Dodgers.  This guy is the real deal.  However, he isn't in the greatest of shape.  I worry about injuries.

I turned on Fox News.  The Five talked about strife on the peninsula.  Here's the truth.  The North hasn't changed.  They've always been belligerent.  The real danger is South Korea.  The current powers-that-be have had enough of the antics from their insane brothers and sisters.  Future provocations will be met with a military response.

Anyway, it's nearly 4 p.m.  I'm tired.  Plus my eyes hurt.

I'll talk to you later.  God bless.  

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Sunday

(Rick Warren and his family suffer a tragedy.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady took the kids to Costco.  She goes there once a month to buy groceries.  Costco sells bulk on the cheap.  For instance, we always purchase a twenty pound bag of pretzels.  No kidding.  We love salt and starch.

My wife made me a chicken sandwich.  She served the meat on black bread.  I didn't enjoy the meal.  But I never complain.  I just smiled and ate my vittles.  I'm wonderful that way.

I watched the season finale of The Walking Dead.  I now truly love zombies.  Watching them getting decapitated is quite entertaining.  The final episode is shocking.  The governor murders most of his flock with a machine gun.  Wow.

I paid homage to Christ.  I said the Our Father on bended knees.  God became angry when the Jews told Samuel that they wanted a king.  Nevertheless, the Lord gave the nation of Israel both Saul and David.  But I don't bow at the altar of man.  Jesus is the only king I recognize.

I went to bed at 1 a.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 10 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  A teenager in Seoul killed himself.  He was disappointed in his test grades, so he jumped off a building.  I don't understand the logic.  Why so serious?

I turned on Fox News.  Rick Warren is an American pastor.  He runs a mega-church called Saddleback.  Pastor Warren's twenty-seven-year-old son committed suicide after suffering from depression for many years.  I'll pray for him.

I'm ugly, poor, and stupid.  Yet I'm happy.  My family floats my boat.  I'd probably be a miserable self-hating prick without them.  However, my good luck will eventually end.  Nothing lasts forever.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless. 

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Saturday

(Shameless:  I'm not really sure if I like the program.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served spicy chicken and rice for dinner.  I didn't care for the meal.  It was a little too ethnic. However, I didn't complain.  I just smiled and ate my vittles.  I'm wonderful that way.

Jim didn't study.  His mother gave him a break.  I don't believe in breaks.  I run a tight ship.  Unfortunately, nobody listens to me.  Poor old Smith has no power.

I watched Shameless.  Frank and his son break into the apartment of a homosexual couple.  They steal all the valuables.  Then they get nabbed by the Chicago police. I'm not sure if I actually enjoy Shameless.  The series often makes me uncomfortable.

I paid homage to Christ.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  Humans are strange.  God comes to our planet in the form of Jesus.  And how is he greeted?  We beat him half to death and nail him to a tree.  Make no mistake.  We're savages.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I had a nightmare about being naked.  Nudity is a problem for me.  I look much better with my clothes on.

I woke up at 7 a.m.  I didn't dream.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  Six people recently died in China from a new strain of bird flu.  Now the Chinese government is killing a ton of poultry.

I turned on Fox News.  An Indian man slaughtered nine females with an axe.  He became unravelled after his wife asked him for a divorce.  What a pisser.

It's 5:30 p.m.  The Dragon Lady is ill.  Her head hurts.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.    

Friday, April 5, 2013

Friday

(Roger Ebert is dead.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served spicy pork and French fries for dinner.  The meal was tasty.  It almost burned a hole in my mouth.  I enjoy hot food.

Jim went to math academy.  He studied for three hours.  He attends the institute two times a week for six hours.  I pay 150 dollars a month for the service.  That seems like a good deal.

Later he worked with his mother for an hour on his Korean skills.  He sassed her.  So she beat him with the Spoon of Justice.  Nobody in my family has ever attended Harvard.  Jim  seems to be following the proud Smith tradition.

I watched Game of Thrones.  I'm on season three.  The midget with the dysfunctional family truly rocks.  I also get a kick out of the red-headed witch.  She's a real turn on.

I paid homage to Christ.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  I refuse to babble like a pagan.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.

There's an American soldier named Lopez.  He randomly shot at civilians with a BB gun.  Then he led the police on a car chase through Seoul.  The government wants to take him into custody and subject him to Korean law.

I turned on Fox News.  Roger Ebert is dead.  His passing saddens me.  I loved the fat bastard.  Many of his movie reviews were spot on.

It's almost 5 p.m.  I'm very tired.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Thursday

(Viking chicks are hot.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served chili and crackers for dinner.  The meal came from a can.  But I didn't complain.  I just smiled and ate my vittles.  I'm wonderful that way.

I watched Vikings.  The show is very exciting.  It pulls no punches.  Norsemen are portrayed as loose bands of savage heathens who murder women and children.  The characters aren't romanticized in the least.  Plus the women are hot.  All that long flaxen hair is a real turn on.

Jim studied Korean with his mother for an hour.  His speaking ability is marvelous.  However, his writing skills are quite poor.  Yet all is not lost.  He's making strong progress.

I paid homage to Christ.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  I'm a real Jesus freak.  And why not?  I refuse to live my life like a filthy atheist.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I was too tired to dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.

Korea has a huge problem with suicide.  The peninsula has no guns, so those who take their own lives usually do so by jumping out of windows.  Seoul is trying to cut the rate by half.  Too many people are taking the permanent plunge.

I turned on Fox News.  The basketball coach from Rutgers got fired for bullying his players.  He frequently called them fruits and fairies.  He also literally kicked them in their asses.  No kidding.  I'm surprised none of those boys punched him right in the mouth.

Anyway, it's almost 5 p.m.  My poor ass is dragging.

I'll talk to you later.  God bless.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Wednesday

(Dick is dead.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served beef and French fries for dinner.  The meal was tasty.  I like starch.  Potatoes are a feel-good food.  They bring me joy.

Jim went to math class for three hours.  Then he studied Korean with his mother.  She showed him mercy.  The Spoon of Justice remained in the drawer.

My friend Dave called.  He couldn't breath.  My wife contacted a local hospital.  They sent an ambulance.  He has a severe case of pneumonia.  Keep him in your prayers.

I completed season seven of Supernatural.  The boys kill the leviathan named Dick.  I'm a little sad.  Dick is one of the best villains in the history of television.  He'll be tough to replace.

I paid homage to Christ.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I can't live my life like a sad lonely misanthrope.  I need a code.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  

The Korean government is going to start charging more money for cigarettes.  Naturally, the-powers-that-be are afraid that many smokers will start their own black-market operation.  Thieves don't enjoy competition.

I turned on Fox News.  A judge and his wife were brutally murdered in Texas.  They lived in a sleepy little southern town.  The Aryan Brotherhood are the primary suspects in these horrific murders.  Men have black hearts.

Anyway, it's 4:30 p.m.  I'm tired.  Plus I've run out of things to say.

I'll talk to you tomorrow.  God bless.   

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Tuesday

(The Walking Dead is great entertainment.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served spicy pork and French bread for dinner.  The meal was OK.  My wife often repeats herself.  I'm sick and tired of French bread.  I'd rather have egg rolls.

However, I keep my gripes and complaints to myself.  These days, it's tough to find a woman who will cook for her husband...even in Asia.  The world is becoming quite screwed up.  Thankfully, I'll be dead soon.

Jim studied the Korean language with his mother.  They yelled at each other several times.  Then she beat him with the Spoon of Justice.  I'm used to the noise.  The excessive volume falls from my consciousness like rain off a duck's back.

I watched The Walking Dead.  I never considered myself a zombie guy.  But AMC does a really good job with the series.  The corpses often get decapitated with a samurai sword.  What can I tell you?  I get a kick out of all the gore and ooze.

I paid homage to Christ.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  Don't think of me as religious or spiritual.  I just believe in the truth.  Jesus was beaten to a pulp and nailed to a tree.  Then he came back to life.  I'd be crazy not to listen to him.  Plain and simple.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I had a strange dream.  There was a pimple on the back of my throat.  I kept trying to pop it with long chopsticks.  Try to figure that one out.  I dare you.

I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper. A woman living in Seoul wrote a racist editorial.  She claims that most Japanese women have buck teeth.  She also says that Chinese people will eat anything that runs, swims, or flies.  Bigotry has a firm foothold here on the peninsula.

I turned on Fox News.  The president went to church on Easter.  Obama's pastor thinks that conservative Christians are keeping blacks on the back of the bus, women in the kitchen, gays in the closet, and immigrants on their own side of the border.  I agree with the guy.  I really do.

Anyway, my legs feel like jelly.  Sadly, I'm a tired old man who desperately misses his cigarettes.  

I'll talk to you later.  God bless.