Sunday, March 31, 2013

Sunday

(Happy Easter.)

Yesterday, I hiked five miles.  Then my family picked me up in our Santa Fe.  My SUV comes equipped with a diesel engine.  It purrs and shakes like an angry kitten.

A new restaurant just opened near my apartment.  The establishment serves Korean beef.  We went there for lunch.  They meal was outstanding.  Eating cow makes me happy.  Beef puts on a smile on Smith's sad face.

I watched The Hobbit in high definition on a large screen television.  The movie will go down as a classic.  Peter Jackson's film is visually stunning.  I also enjoy the dwarfs very much.  They've got a great sense of humor.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  Jesus says that you have to drink his blood and eat his flesh in order to follow him.  That's an allusion to Exodus.  (His early audience was primarily Jewish.)  He's the Lamb of God who saves us from the Angel of Death.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and put on my hiking shoes.  I walked ten miles.  I'm currently as stiff as a board.

I took the family to church.  I said the f-word several times while driving.  Koreans have no business on the roads.  We should confiscate their cars and replace them with horses.

I have a wonderful pastor.  He graduated from an Ivy League school.  His sermons are always eloquent and poetic.  He focused on Luke 24.  Two angels give Mary Magdalene sound advice.  They tell her not to look for the living amongst the dead.  Great stuff.

Anyway, here's my Easter message to you.  You might think your life sucks ass.  But God will never forsake you.  So cheer up and keep the faith.

Peace.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Saturday

(The Shroud of Turin brought to life.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served spicy pork and French bread for dinner.  The meal was good.  Poor old Smith enjoys hot food.  I washed it down with Pepsi and chocolate.  Now that's living.

The children were very happy.  Their American granny sent them a package from the United States.  Jim got the new Starcraft computer game while Bruce received a Star Wars Lego set.  My eldest son is a Starcraft crackhead.  He can play for days without sleep.  He's that crazy.

I watched more Supernatural.  Season seven features a new prophet.  His name is Kevin Tran, an overachieving Asian high school student from Michigan.  Kevin knows how to kill the Leviathans.  Supernatural is stupid.  But I can't get enough.  I'm probably retarded.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  And why not?  Who wants to live their precious life like a filthy nihilist?  Not me.  That's for sure.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I never stay up late.  I'm too old.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.

The South Korean government is giving more perks to multicultural families.  Now biracial children get access to free education.  We don't have to pay for Bruce's kindergarten.  What a nice benefit.

I turned on Fox News.  The University of Padua in Italy has dated the Shroud of Turin back to the time of Jesus.  I'm not the least bit surprised.  The linen was wrapped around Jesus after his crucifixion.  The mysterious image on the cloth is a transfer of energy brought about by the resurrection.  

Christ is king.  And all you miserable atheists are just gonna have to put that information in your pipes and smoke it.  He is risen.

Anyway, I'm off for a ten mile hike and some pumpkin pie.  Talk to you later.  Peace.

Friday, March 29, 2013

Friday

(Bill Maher:  Just another filthy atheist.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served chili and French bread for dinner.  The meal was OK.  My vittles came from a can.  I guess the old lady needed a break from her domestic duties.  But I didn't go hungry.  I'm thankful that my belly has always been full.

Jim's mother screamed at him.  He sasses her constantly about studying.  That boy hates cracking the books.  So she beat him with the Spoon of Justice.  Good for her.

I watched Supernatural.  Sam and Dean are still fighting the Leviathans.  The leader of the Leviathan nation is named Dick.  This leads to a lot of laughs.  For instance, he's a very cool character.  So the boys will often say that it's difficult to get a rise out of Dick.  I'm childish and retarded.  I love raunchy humor.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  I refuse to live my life like some filthy atheist who thinks he's hip.  I'm no Bill Maher.  I live by a code from a higher power than the democratic party.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I had a weird dream.  A strange Mexican drove a car.  I sat in the backseat with my eldest son.  The head of a dead baby elephant was on the side of the road.  The Mexican stopped the car.  A fierce wolf approached the automobile.  I warned my boy to keep quiet.  That's all I can remember.

I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  The United States is flying stealth planes over the peninsula.  My nation is trying to put the fear of the Almighty into the belligerent North Koreans.  Good luck with that.  They're a stiff-necked people.

I turned on Fox News.  The Miami Heat finally lost.  What a run.  They won twenty-seven games in a row.  It must feel great to be a part of such a talented squad.

The time is 5 p.m.  I'm tired and my feet are cold.  I'm chewing on a pen.  I really miss cigarettes.  Poor old Smith is a recovering drug fiend.  Oh well.  What's a boy to do?

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Thursday

(Supernatural:  Cass and Bobby are back.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served pork and French bread for dinner.  The meal was fantastic.  The meat was so hot that the experience was actually painful.  It felt like I was dipping my tongue into an acid bath.  I enjoy spicy food a great deal.

Jim studied Korean for an hour with his mother.  I'm not sure if she beat him with the Spoon of Justice.  They now work in a separate room.  They claim that I tease them.  I probably do.  I can actually be quite an asshole at times.  No kidding.

I watched Supernatural.  I'm currently on season seven.  Bobby and Cass are back.  Bobby's a ghost while Cass has no memory of his past sins.  The series is very popular amongst retarded people.  I'm a huge fan.

I paid homage to Christ.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  And why not?  King Herod tried to defy God's will by slaughtering the innocents.  His plan didn't work.  He'd have been better off just accepting the new paradigm.  We all know what happened to Ahab when he went toe to toe with the white whale.  Who needs the stress?

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  

A famous UFC fighter from America wore a rising sun flag to a Korean birthday party.  That's a no-no.  Most Asians still hate the Japanese for their crimes against humanity during World War II.  The fighter apologized.

I turned on Fox News.  Christians in Africa are being slaughtered by Muslims.  I'm not surprised.  Islam isn't a religion of peace.  Those towel-head camel-jockeys have quite the temper.  I don't mess with them.  They scare me.


Sadly, lots of things scare me.  Leprosy.  Cancer.  Driving. Feminists.  War.  Angry lesbians.  Horny Indians.  The list goes on and on.  I really need the number of a good psychiatrist.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Wednesday

(Jim Carrey insults Charlton Heston.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady made pork and egg rolls for dinner.  The meal tasted good.  My food was smothered in chili sauce.  I'm a big fan of chili sauce.  I don't know why.  Perhaps I'm retarded.

Jim got a 78 on his math test.  We took away his smart phone for a week.  He accepted his punishment like a man.  A deal's a deal.  His grades have to remain above an 80 if he wishes to overdose on 21st century technology.  Poor old Smith runs a tight ship.

I watched Weeds.  I'm really impressed with the series.  Nancy confesses to a murder that she never committed  in order to save her son.  She eventually gets released from a federal prison after serving a three year bit.  Then her sister--played by Jennifer Jason Leigh--tries to steal Nancy's child.  Good stuff.

Here's where I get all my television.  Pilfering from Hollywood is considered a crime.  Yet I don't feel guilty.  I'm just desperate for first-rate entertainment.  So what's a boy to do?

I paid homage to Christ.  I said the Our Father on bended knees.  The Lord visited Earth in the form of Jesus.  We spit on him.  We beat him half to death.  Then we nailed him to a tree.  He rose three days later.  God's will is God's will.  It can't be stopped.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I was far too sick to dream.  I woke up at 5:30 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.

A Korean woman was assaulted by a group of Indian men.  What's going on with those crazy Hindus?  They can't keep their filthy hands off the ladies.  Someone needs to cut their nut-sacks.

I turned on Fox News.  Jim Carrey made a music video about gun control.  His song insults the late Charlton Heston.  Greg Gutfeld blew a gasket.  I don't see the big deal.  Heston's been dead for a long long time.  I'm sure he doesn't mind.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Tuesday

(Christine Lagarde:  Just another disgusting crook.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady made pork and French fries for dinner.  The meal tasted great.  But my wife was in a foul mood.  I ate in silence.  No big deal.  Every now and then, silence hits the spot.

Her sisters are purchasing a restaurant in Pusan.  The cost of the establishment is roughly a million dollars.  We're the poor relations.  Who has five hundred thousand clams lying around the apartment?  So now she's quite jealous of her siblings.

I'm still sick.  I feel like crap.  I told her not to worry.  If I keel over and die, she and the kids can get a gig waiting tables.  She wasn't impressed with my sense of humor.

"You tink dat funny?  You see me raugh?  I not da raugh."

I don't envy folk who have more things than me.  Possessions are nothing more than anchors which weigh a guy down.  Poor old Smith already feels like he's drowning.  The solution?  I need less useless shit to worry about, not more.

I watched Weeds.  Nancy Botwin wants to leave the country.  However, a newspaper reporter sniffs out her trail and threatens to expose the entire family.  It's a wonderful series.  American television has improved by leaps and bounds.  Some of the stuff being produced these days is nothing less than brilliant.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  Jesus lives.  His resurrection still freaks me out.  One is forced to reevaluate the true meaning of wealth and power.  The king sets the paradigm.  His followers obey.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I kept waking up due to illness.  I crawled out of bed at 5:30 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  A literature professor in Seoul is making his students buy his novels.  If they refuse to comply, he fails them.  No kidding.

I turned on Fox News.  The banks in Cyprus are still shut down.  It's now legal for these failed institutions to steal money from their customers in order to pay back Germany's bad bets.  How long will Europeans stand idle and allow themselves to get ass-raped by crooks like Christine Lagarde.  I just don't get it.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.  

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Sick

(Poor Old Smith doesn't have much time left.)

I caught a dose of something.  Perhaps I have the flu.  I feel like crap.

I'll be back in a couple of days when my health returns.  Thanks for your patience.

God bless.

Friday, March 22, 2013

Friday

(Criminal Minds:  The sickest show on television.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served spicy chicken and egg rolls for dinner.  She's a real oriental stereotype.  Every meal comes with an egg roll.  There's always some truth to typecasting.

I don't care about political correctness.  Asians are more racist than white people.  My father-in-law always tells my wife that I smell like rancid meat.  No kidding.  And that old bastard reeks of alcohol and garlic.  What a nerve!

Jim studied Korean for an hour with his mother.  He sassed her on several occasions.  She could no longer take his wicked ways.  So she beat him with the Spoon of Justice.  I don't blame her.  That's the way he wanted it.  Actions have consequences.

I watched Criminal Minds.  The series is quite sick and disturbing.  In last night's episode, a killer hates women so much so that he rips out their tongues before murdering them.  He gets his rocks off by inflicting severe pain to his victims.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  I refuse to babble like a pagan.  Poor old Smith just does what he's told.  (Matthew 6: 5-15)

I went to bed at 9 p.m.  I was exhausted.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 5 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the newspaper.

There's a rich business man named Yun.  He's a contractor.  Yun invited several important officials to his house for a balls-to-the-wall sex party.  He captured all the debauchery on tape.  Then he used the evidence to blackmail his enemies.  Never take your pants off in public.  Talk about a bad move.

I turned on Fox News.  A suicide bomber murdered nearly fifty people in a Syrian mosque.  American neo-conservatives are trying to use the tragedy as an excuse to put U.S. troops on the ground.  Sons-of-bitches.  

It's currently 4:45 p.m.  I'm tired.  I might be catching a cold.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Thursday

(Walton Goggins has the biggest teeth in the world.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served pork for dinner.  The meal came with egg rolls.  My wife is the egg roll queen.  She serves them every day.  But why complain?  I always go to bed on a full stomach.

Jim didn't study Korean.  He focused on math.  My boy took another test today.  I'm not sure how he did.  When he scores below an eighty, I take away his smart phone.  

I truly hate technology.  I also detest money.  In fact, I plan to become a hobo in Miami when I turn sixty-five.  Perhaps I'll start a street ministry.  If you see me preaching the gospel to crackheads and schizophrenics, toss me a sandwich and throw a dollar into my hat.  I'll use the money to purchase a pack of smokes and a bottle of ripple.

I watched Justified.  It comes on the FX channel.  The series is absolutely brilliant.  Walton  Goggins might be the finest actor in all of Hollywood.  He has a huge set of choppers.  How a man's teeth can get that big is beyond me.  It's impossible to forget his face.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  I feel blessed--as if I'm a part of something much larger than myself.  My ass is firmly planted in Korea.  But my heart belongs to the Kingdom of Heaven.  I probably need medication.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  The Dominican Republic won the WBC.  The United States never catches a break in that tournament.  Usually Japan takes the global baseball crown.  Go figure.

I turned on Fox News.  The North Koreans launched a cyber-attack against their southern neighbor.  But the effects were minimal.  None of my neighbors even mentioned the incident.  Life goes on.

It's four p.m.  I'm tired.  Poor old Smith needs a nap.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.  

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Wednesday

(Moses:  He knocked me for a loop.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served hot wings and egg rolls for dinner.  My wife is the egg roll queen.  The meal was covered in chili sauce.  I washed it down with Coke.  Now that's living.

Jim didn't study Korean.  He studied science instead.  He took a test today.  I'm not sure how he performed.  I'm happy if he keeps his score over 80 percent.  I try not to be too demanding.

I watched Supernatural.  I love the show.  Sam and Dean battle a serial killer who is possessed by a demon. This particular murderer hates women.

Sexual sadists are screwed up individuals.  They all seem to have mommy issues.  I have demons, too.  I fight them by constructing model submarines.  Don't laugh.  It beats paying for a therapist.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  I'm still pretty shaken up.  That news about Moses being a product of incest hit me like a ton of bricks.  I fear I shall never recover.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  

A high school boy in Inchon threatened to knife his teacher.  He was upset because nobody in the school could properly explain the difference between Roman Catholicism and Protestantism.  Talk about a fastidious student.  He needs to start making model submarines like his poor old Uncle Smith.

I turned on the television.  Rand Paul is back in the news.  The senator from Kentucky has a new immigration plan.  Rand wants to be president.  He's getting a fast start out of the gate.

It's almost 5 p.m.  I'm chewing on a plastic pen.  I feel itchy.  Perhaps I need a shower.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.  

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Tuesday

(Vikings love to kill limeys.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served pork and potato wedges for dinner.  She cooked the meal in our fabulous Phillips air-fryer.  There wasn't an ounce of grease on my food.  

Health is important.  These are my heart attack and stroke years.  I've got two young children.  The last thing I need is to keel over and die.  However, a little rest would certainly hit the spot.

Jim studied the Korean language for an hour with his mother.  They now work in a separate room.  They claim I tease them too much.  What a crock of shit.

I watched episode three of Vikings.  It's a terrific show.  The violent pagans land once again in England.  They slaughter many hapless limeys while searching for treasure.  Good for them.  Idolaters love to pray at the feet of the golden calf.  They'll kill their own mothers for a buck.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Our Father on bended knees.  I refuse to babble like a pagan.

Did you know that Moses is a product of incest?  No kidding.  Read Exodus 6 verse 20.  He and his brother Aaron are both the fruit of an unclean marriage.  I had no idea.  My pastor told me this on Sunday.  I wish he had kept it to himself.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.

Three American soldiers were stabbed by a bar owner in Seoul.  The soldiers are wanted for questioning by the Korean authorities.  They'll give their testimony after they get out of the hospital.  Booze and weapons just don't mix.

I turned on Fox News.  The government of Cyprus plans to steal money from its citizens in order to avoid default.  Yes.  We live in strange times.  These European nations need their own currencies.  It's time for the Euro to die.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Sunday

(Rand Paul wins the CPAC straw poll.)

Yesterday, I went to the doctor.  I'm getting old.  My eyes are wearing out.  Poor old Smith is having a hard time reading the paper.  So now I have glasses.  What a pisser.

The Dragon Lady served barbecue pork for dinner.  The meal came with Chinese mushrooms.  Good stuff.  I washed the vittles down with Pepsi.  I don't miss alcohol.  However, I'd kill my mother for a cigarette.  Sadly, I'm just a filthy junkie.

I watched Supernatural.  I love the series.  But two of my favorite characters are dead.  The show doesn't feel the same without Cass and Bobby Singer.  Maybe they'll come back.  I certainly hope to see them again. 

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some dirty atheist.  I need a code.

I went to bed at midnight.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 9 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper. 

Korea is cracking down on online gambling.  The peninsula recently had a scandal involving a coach who was throwing games for money.  These things happen.  We're all a bunch of greedy bastards.

I turned on Fox News.  Rand Paul won the CPAC straw poll.  I don't have much faith in polls.  Rand's daddy used to always emerge victorious.  Yet Ron never came close to getting the republican nomination.

It's Sunday.  I usually hike ten miles.  But I'm viewing UFC instead.  What a load of shit.  What happened to boxing?  Is the sport dead?

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Saturday

(Rob Portman now supports gay marriage.)

Yesterday was Friday.  Usually we spend the evening at Burger King.  It's sort of a family tradition.  But I was too exhausted.  I'm becoming a grumpy old pig.

The Dragon Lady had to cook.  She made beef and egg rolls.  The egg rolls were smothered in chili sauce.  The meal was fantastic.

Jim was given the day off.  His mother didn't make him study.  He spent his free time playing with his smart phone.  I'm far too old to appreciate technology.  The 21st century is passing me by.  Soon I'll be dead.

I watched Weeds.  The show is very liberal.  Nonetheless, I enjoy the program.  Kevin Nealon gets his penis smashed in a desk drawer by an irate attorney.  I laughed and laughed and laughed.  Poor old Smith is retarded.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  I refuse to babble like a pagan.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 7 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.

Koreans are very conservative.  They often discriminate against homosexuals.  Those who own spas in America have even banned gay people from entering their establishments.  They don't understand the United States.  Their ignorance is about to cost them a lot of money.  Lawyers live for this kind of crap.

Speaking of homosexuality...

I turned on Fox News.  Rob Portman is now in favor of gay marriage.  The senator from Ohio just found out that one of his sons is a fairy.  These things happen.  Sexual preference doesn't stop of father from loving his children.

I can't see too well anymore.  So I took a trip to the doctor.  He gave me reading glasses.  The cost?  Thirty dollars.  That's pretty cheap.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Friday, March 15, 2013

Friday

(Shameless:  The title says it all.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served pork and French fries for dinner.  The meal was good.  She cooked the vittles in our fabulous Phillips air-fryer.  There wasn't a drop of grease on the food.  Is that healthy?  I have no idea.

Jim went to his three hour math class.  Then he came home and studied Korean for an hour.  He's a hell of a speaker.  But his reading and writing skills aren't up to snuff.  His mother is trying to beat the language into his thick hide.

I watched Shameless.  Talk about a disgusting show.  It has everything.  Alcoholism, incest, sex addiction, sex toys, unnatural sex with sex toys, etc.  The series is absolutely filthy.  Nevertheless, I'm a faithful viewer.  So what does that say about me?

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Our Father on bended knees.  I frequently pray in the bathroom.  My apartment is so small that we don't even have a closet.  The Smiths live like unfortunate peasants.  

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I was exhausted.  I slept like a baby.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  Korean women love plastic surgery.  They lead the world in cosmetic procedures.  

My wife had a nose job many years ago.  No kidding.  Her beak points north.  The woman is a living compass.

I turned on Fox News.  The CEO of FedEx believes the economy is sitting on a lot of juice.  He says a boom in energy shall spark a new American economic revolution.  I don't know what to think.  I certainly hope he's correct.

It's 4:30 p.m.  I'm exhausted.  Smith's pecker is in the dirt.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Thursday

(Vikings are a rowdy bunch of boys.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served barbecued pork for dinner.  She slapped the meat on toasted bread.  The meal was first rate.  I washed it down with Pepsi.  Now that's living.

Jim studied Korean with his mother.  She didn't hit him one time.  My eldest son is really making progress.  Let's see if he can go two days in a row without sustaining a humiliating beating.  The smart money is on The Spoon of Justice.

I watched episode two of Vikings.  The fierce pagans land in England.  They sack a monastery and slaughter most of the monks.  The survivors are turned into slaves.  Vikings are not good neighbors.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  There's no future in nihilism.  It's a dead end career path.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.

The price of cigarettes in Korea will soon go up.  The peninsula currently has some of the cheapest smokes on the planet.  A pack will set you back about two American dollars.  

Many government officials want to make tobacco products more expensive to pay for various projects.  I don't give a flying screw.  Poor old Smith no longer craves nicotine.  Good for me.

I turned on Fox News.  The world has a new pope.  He's a Jesuit priest from Argentina.  I bet he loves soccer.  He wants the smelly unwashed masses to call him Francis.  I'm certainly not going to argue with Saint Peter's successor.  Good luck, Francis.

It's 3:10 p.m.  I'm chewing on my pen.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Wednesday

(Hatfields and McCoys:  A work of pure genius.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served baby ribs for dinner.  The meal was delicious.  She cooked them on the stove.  My poor wife doesn't even have an oven.  We live like peasants.

Jim went to math class.  He stayed the full three hours.  He desperately wants to quit.  But that's not going to happen.  Knowledge is power.  I want to give my kids a great start in life before I keel over and die.

I downloaded the second episode of The Bible.  It covers Samson to King David.  The History Channel is putting out some first-rate entertainment.  Vikings truly rocks.  And the Hatfields and McCoys is a work of pure genius.

I paid homage to Christ.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  The mystery of God fills me with wonder.  I feel I'm part of something enormous.  Perhaps I need psychiatric help.  Stranger things have happened.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I slept like a baby.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  

A teenager in Seoul killed himself.  He jumped from a 22nd story window.  The police blame his suicide on bullies.  Lots of people grease themselves in Korea.  I don't know why.

I turned on Fox News.  An infant was shot to death in Chicago.  That place is getting crazy.  Have militant gangs taken over the entire city?  Are the police on strike?  Every day brings new drama.

It's almost 4 p.m.  I'm killing time.  I just swallowed a piece of plastic.  I have a bad habit of chewing on pens.  Poor old Smith misses his cigarettes.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Tuesday

(Where did all my teeth go?)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served pork and French fries for dinner.  The meal was outstanding.  She cooked the food in our Phillips air-fryer.  I love that machine.  The Phillips company has certainly simplified my complicated life.  Perhaps I should send those boys a Christmas card.

Jim studied the Korean language for an hour.  He did a great job.  My eldest boy is very smart.  Then he teased his little brother.  Big mistake.  His mother asked him to stop.  He refused.  So she struck him several times with the Spoon of Justice.  A person can be very bright intellectually and still act like a freaking idiot.

I watched Supernatural.  I'm currently enjoying season seven.  Cass appears to be dead.  So Sam and Dean are fighting ancient creatures named Leviathans which enjoy dining on human brains and livers. The show is extremely entertaining.

I paid homage to Christ.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  Moses and Aaron went to Pharaoh.  They didn't follow God's instructions to the tee.  The brothers were subsequently punished by being forced to make bricks without straw.  Suffering is just part of life.  We all have our cross to bear.  I don't take it personally.

I went to bed at 9 p.m.  I was exhausted.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  North Korea is threatening to attack its southern neighbor.  But I don't give a flying screw.  This aggressive banter between the nations happens all the time.  Ho-hum.

I turned on Fox News.  Bloomberg wants New Yorkers to drink less soda.  A judge shot down the mayor's proposed ban on super-sized beverages.  Government is really getting out of hand.  Next they'll be killing us with drones.

It's almost 4 p.m.  I'm wasting time.  Perhaps I'll listen to Dark Side of the Moon.  I used to love Pink Floyd back when I had all my teeth.  Them were the days.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Sunday

(Vikings is entertaining fare.)

Yesterday, I didn't feel like exercising.  So I stayed home and sat on the sofa.  My knee was acting up.  The rest did me good.

The Dragon Lady drove to Costco.  She returned with some great stuff.  I had a chicken sandwich for dinner.  Then I stuffed my face with walnut pie.  I washed the meal down with pretzels and Coke.  Now that's living.

The History Channel is featuring an exciting new series called Vikings.  The first episode stars Gabriel Byrne.  I enjoy his work.  He was great in The Usual Suspects.  Give the show a try. It's filled with lots and lots of violence.  One unfortunate man even gets beheaded.  Those Vikings were a naughty bunch of rowdy boys.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I refuse to live like some filthy nihilist.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I had a strange dream.  I was singing in a choir with Alan Alda.  I kept taking shots of hard liquor while no one was looking.  Several people were upset with my antics.

I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  A 52-year-old man was arrested in Seoul on charges of arson.  The suspect has a history of mental illness.  Dirt drives him crazy.  If he sees something filthy, he tries to cleanse it with fire.

I turned on Fox News.  Rand Paul's filibuster is causing quite the stir.  I can smell change in the air.  However, change and pain go together like French fries and ketchup.  So don't start getting too excited.

Anyway, I'll talk to you later.  God bless.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Saturday

(Joy Behar:  Who gives a flying screw?)

Yesterday, I took the family to Burger King.  The meal was good.  However, I became very grumpy.  I'm sick of smart phones.  My kids are addicted to them.  They even surf the net while munching on fast food. Bruce is only five-years-old, and he's already a video crackhead.

We returned to our Soviet-style concrete apartment.  Jim studied the Korean language for an hour.  He kept sassing his mother.  So she beat him with a wooden spoon.  I just shook my head.  The boy never learns.  If we lived in America, he'd be riding the short bus to school.

I watched Criminal Minds.  It's truly the sickest show on television.  I often fight back the urge to vomit.  A janitor kidnaps both men and women.  He drains his victims of blood and cuts off their eyelids.  Then he uses the blood to paint their portraits.  Disturbing stuff.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  I refuse to babble like a pagan.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 5 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  Ryu Hyun-jin isn't having a good training camp.  The high-priced pitcher seems to have lost some velocity on his fastball.  I'm not worried.  Ryu's a talented prospect.  I see great success in his future.

I turned on Fox News.  Joy Behar is leaving The View.  I don't give a flying screw.  I've never actually seen the program.  Complaining yentas grind on my nerves.

It's Saturday.  Usually I hike ten miles.  But I'm tired.  I need a break.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Friday

(Abraham and Isaac.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served sweet and sour pork for dinner.  The meal was quite good.  I ate every bit.  I washed down my vittles with Coke.  A carbonated beverage cuts through the grease--which keeps poor old Smith away from the toilet.

Jim went to math class.  He studied for the full three hours.  Consequetly, he wasn't beaten with the Spoon of Justice.  Math, science, and language are very important.  I run a tight ship.

I watched The Bible.  It's a History Channel original series.  The first episode covered Abraham to Moses.  I don't hold to a literal interpretation of the Old Testament.  I view the ancient text as prophecy signaling the impending arrival of Jesus.

God saves Isaac.  He replaces the boy with a lamb.  Moses marks the Jewish doors with lamb's blood so that the Angel of Death will pass over the children of Israel.  It's all Christ.  He's the was, the is, and the will be.  See what I'm getting at?  Mary had a little lamb.  His fleece was white as snow.

I paid homage to God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  I refuse to babble like a pagan.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.

Leonardo DiCaprio is currently visiting Seoul.  He's promoting Django Unchained.  I absolutely hate the movie.  The film is both silly and disjointed.  But what do I know?  Perhaps I'm too stupid to enjoy Tarantino.

I turned on Fox News.  The stock market's burning up.  Yet I'm skeptical.  The prices seem inflated due to an overly friendly fed chairman.  I'm probably crazy.  However, I see America going into recession this year.

It's 4:45 p.m.  I'm off to Burger King.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.       

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Thursday

(The Walking Dead:  I'm loving the zombies.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served pork and French fries for dinner.  The meal was good.  She cooks all our grub in the Phillips air-fryer.  There's no grease to speak of.  I'm not sure if that's healthy.  But who gives a flying screw?  We all have to die eventually.

Jim studied the Korean language with his mother.  The session didn't go well.  She beat him several times with the Spoon of Justice.  He looked to me for help.  Sadly, I had none to give.  That's life.  He needs to toughen up.

I watched The Walking Dead.  The show revolves around the idea of a zombie apocalypse.  I was never a big fan of the undead.  Poor old Smith is a recent convert.  I'm glad I saw the light.  The series is outstanding.

I paid homage to Christ.  I said the Our Father on bended knees.  Make no mistake.  We all pray to something.  You make a choice in life.  You bow to men, or you bow to God.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 5 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  Taxi drivers in Seoul are still overcharging foreign tourists.  Stealing is certainly wrong.  But my heart goes out to them.  It's tough to make a buck in this economy.

I turned on Fox News.  President Obama has shut down all tours of the White House.  He claims the government is out of money.  I really don't give a shit one way or the other.  Why should care?

It's nearly 3:30 p.m.  I'm beat.  I can barely keep my eyes open.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Wednesday

(Criminal Minds:  Some real sick stuff.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served pork and egg rolls for dinner.  She cooked the meal in our fabulous Phillips air-fryer.  I can't begin to tell you people how much I love that machine.  It makes my life so much easier.  I even like it better than the internet.  No kidding.

Jim went to math academy.  He stayed for the full three hours.  His mother didn't have to hit him with the Spoon of Justice.  What a shocker.  Perhaps I should buy him a gift.

I watched more Criminal Minds.  The series will literally make you sick to your stomach.  Brad Dourif plays an insane puppeteer.  He kidnaps both men and women.  Then he dislocates all their limbs before crucifying them.   The ones who survive are turned into human marionettes.  Wow.  What's left to say?

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  No big surprise.  I'm not some filthy nihilist.  Poor old Smith needs a code.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I had a strange dream.  I stood in front of a movie house with several strange men. We were all dressed in girly-looking leather jackets and cowboy hats.  I wanted to know why we wore such strange clothing.  Nobody could tell me.

I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  The Korean baseball team is now out of the WBC. The squad had to beat Taiwan by six runs in order to advance.  They failed to do so.  Strange.  The ROK usually does so well when it comes to swinging the bats.

I turned on Fox News.  Hugo Chavez died of cancer.  He'd been suffering from the disease for quite some time.  

I don't like dictators.  But I refuse to gloat.  I'm 44-years-old.  My death is right around the corner.  I'm just hoping for a massive heart attack or stroke.  I hate pain.  It hurts too much.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Tuesday


(President Joker:  Don't underestimate him.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served sweet and sour pork for dinner.  The meal came with French fries.  I had no complaints.  I left the table feeling satisfied.  What else could a guy want?

Jim studied the Korean language with his mother.  He complained too much.  She hit him several times with a  wooden spoon.  Her abuse is becoming a pattern.  But I don't mind.  Knowledge is power.

I watched Criminal Minds.  This is truly a sick show.  A former mortician has a wife who is an amputee.  So he kidnaps hapless victims and cuts their legs off.  Then he tries to reattach the severed limbs onto live human subjects.  Creepy stuff.

The History Channel has two new exciting programs.  One is about vikings and the other is based on the bible.  I plan to download both of them tonight.  The network's Hatfields and McCoys was above reproach.  Talk about a work of genius.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  I believe in Abraham's vision of a new nation.  Perhaps I need a psychiatrist.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  

The Miami Heat are on a fourteen game winning streak.  They might be champions yet again.  However, I'd like to see Oklahoma take the trophy.  But who died and made me boss?

I turned on Fox News.  Cavuto ridiculed Obama because of the sequestration.  Neil doesn't get it.  America's going into recession this year with or without the cuts.  Now Obama will be able to point his long bony finger at the Republican party when the shit hits the fan.  

President Joker is one smart dude.  He plays those hapless conservative dolts like a fiddle. Underestimate him at your own peril.

It's currently 3:40 p.m.  I'm killing time.  Poor old Smith can barely keep his eyes open.  But I have miles to go before I sleep.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Monday

(Supernatural:  I'm hooked.)

Yesterday, I hiked ten miles through the rice paddies.  The weather is still brisk.  However, it's getting a little warmer outside.  The smell of Spring is definitely in the air. 

My knee hurts like a son-of-a-gun.  Perhaps I'm too old to exercise.  Screw it.  I plan to go down swinging.

I took the family to church.  Driving in Korea is crazy.  I used the f-word several times.  I can't help myself.  These Asian road warriors are driving me batty.

The sermon was aces.  My pastor is quite impressive.  We focused on Exodus 4.  The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob is the God of the living, not the dead.  Jesus mentions this in the Gospel of Luke while arguing with the Jewish leadership.  Many of them didn't believe in resurrection.

The family and I had beef for dinner.  Korean restaurants are a lot of fun.  You actually sit on the floor.  Good luck finding a chair.  The floors are heated.  The experience is nice and cozy on a chilly afternoon.

We returned to our concrete Soviet-style apartment.  I watched Supernatural.  Cass swallows thousands of souls.  He's now convinced that he's God.  He wants Sam and Dean to bow down and love him.  I'm must be retarded.  I can't seem to get enough of that foolish show.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  I refuse to babble like a pagan.

I went to bed at 9 p.m.  I woke up at 5 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  Two American soldiers were arrested in Seoul after threatening to shoot innocent Koreans with an air gun.  The guys were probably drunk.  But that won't stop the authorities from throwing their asses in prison.

I turned on Fox News.  A man in Florida was swallowed by a sinkhole.  He's as dead as a doornail.  What a pisser.

Anyway, I'll talk to you later.  God bless.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Sunday

(The Chinese will soon be our new masters.)

Yesterday, I hiked ten miles through the rice paddies.  It was breezy and cold outside.  But exercise is important.  I don't want to become a burden to my children as I age.  Good health is extremely valuable. 

The Dragon Lady served egg rolls for dinner.  They were smothered in chili sauce.  My wife is the egg roll queen.  But I didn't complain.  I just smiled and ate my vittles.  I'm wonderful that way.

Jim studied the Korean language with his mother.  He doesn't enjoy cracking the books.  She hit him several times with a wooden spoon.  Good for her.  Knowledge is power.

I watched several episodes of Criminal Minds.  Talk about disturbing and depressing.  Two men in Florida are serial rapists and killers.  They target hookers from Miami.  The women are sexually abused, beaten within an inch of their lives, and smothered with plastic bags. 

Wow.  I have no idea how this stuff gets approved by the major networks.  Don't get me wrong.  I ain't complaining.  I just sat there mesmerized.  American television back in my day truly sucked ass.  Now it's controversial, edgy, and explosive.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  Moses led the Hebrews out of bondage.  All they did was complain.  Incessant bitching and negativity are a waste of time and energy.  I want to be a shining light on a hill.  Perhaps I need medicine.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I was exhausted.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 5 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  The Chinese have a new aircraft carrier.  The ship was christened the Liaoning.  It's anchored in Qingdao.  This is the Asian century.  White folk will soon bow to their new masters.

I turned on Fox News.  Lots of recent college grads are living with mom.  Why?  They can't make enough coin working at Burger King.  America's been looted by the top one percent.  Sadly, the middle class lifestyle will soon go the way of the Dodo bird.  Feudalism is the current economic model.

I'm quite busy today.  I shall walk ten miles.  Then I must attend church.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Saturday

(Gentle Ben is a global sex symblol.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady didn't feel like cooking.  So I drove the family to Burger King.  The franchise is featuring a special promotion this month.  If you buy one Whopper, you get one free.  The meal was outstanding.  I love fast food--especially greasy onion rings.

I downloaded five episodes of Criminal Minds.  It's very entertaining.  However, the series brings me down.  The show is about killers, arsonists, kidnappers, pedophiles, terrorists, etc.  There isn't much to smile about.  Give it a try, and tell me what you think.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees.  Abraham started a movement a long long time ago.  So I often feel extremely powerful--as if I'm part of something much bigger than myself.  Perhaps I need a psychiatrist.

I went to bed at 9 p.m.  I was exhausted.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper. 

Japan is pissed.  Two Korean criminals stole a couple of ancient Buddhist statues from the city of Tokyo.  The nations don't care for each other.  They constantly squabble.  The Japs were very cruel while building their brief empire.  Many young women were forced into sexual slavery.  Men are sick.  We love getting our rocks off.

I turned on Fox News.  America is falling off another fiscal cliff.  However, the market doesn't care.  Wall Street is currently drunk on Bernanke's mother's milk.  Mark my words.  When interest rates finally get raised, this entire house of cards will collapse.  It doesn't take a genius to see the future.

It's currently 7:40.  I'm cold.  Nevertheless, I shall walk ten miles.  I'm wonderful that way.  Poor old Smith is a genuine American stud. 

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Friday

(Kim Jong-un:  The fat ugly toad is a basketball fan.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady served Burger King for dinner.  I ate a Whopper and French fries.  The meal was excellent.  I enjoy fast food.  I've given up smoking and drinking.  I don't have many pleasures left.

Jim went to math class.  He goes to a special academy two times a week for six hours.  I'm a real demanding jerk.  I want my kids to excel in math and science.  I also want them fluent in two languages.  Results.  Results.  Results.

I watched Supernatural.  I steal all my television from this site.  I don't enjoy living as a common thief.  But I reside in South Korea, and I'm starved for entertainment.  So what's a boy to do?

Supernatural's audience is comprised entirely of retarded people.  I love the series.  I'm currently on season six.  Cass and Crowley have struck a deal to share Purgatory.  Stupid stuff.  Yet strangely entertaining.

I paid homage to the Christ God.  I said the Our Father on bended knees.  I pray in the bathroom.  My apartment doesn't have a closet.  It's too small.  No kidding.

I went to bed at 10 p.m.  I didn't dream.  I woke up at 6 a.m.  I drank coffee and read the paper.  Dennis Rodman is visiting North Korea.  Kim Jong-un is a big fan of the Chicago Bulls.  It's important to have a hobby.  After all, ruthless dictators can't spend all their time killing the innocent.  They occasionally need to let their hair down.

I turned on Fox News.  The Pope left the Vatican.  I'm perfect for the job.  Plus I'd look pretty hot in the uniform.  The catholics should give me a call.  I'm ready, willing, and able.

Anyway, talk to you later.  God bless.